Tag Archives: Problems

Uh Oh! Possible Problems and Scams with Online Dating

Uh Oh! Possible Problems and Scams with Online Dating

“Uh Oh! Possible Problems and Scams with Online Dating” by Joan Y. Edwards

Uh Oh. Silly me. I thought a few months ago, I enjoyed being married. I’d like to get married again. I thought I’d try online dating. I knew several people who’d met online and their relationship worked out. Many friends of friends have used online dating and it has worked out. It may work for many people for varying reasons. It did not work for me in this instance.  I kept trying to pinpoint believing and not believing the person who contacted me through a dating site. Part of me didn’t believe and I was trying to find the facts to say for sure.

I knew I was not going to send money but I was never asked for money.  He couldn’t build that trust with me. After I texted him I had told my daughters about him meeting me in two weeks and I confronted him about inconsistencies, he said we were not compatible. Then I said if we are not compatible, goodbye.

I talked on the phone to this man 3 times.  Each time we got into a discussion of compatibility and trust.

Once they believe they have your trust and you believe you are compatible, then they delve on the love. They refuse to meet in person or on video chat.

I prayed daily while during this encounter. I asked others to pray for me.  When I shared with my daughters and their families about this man, they discovered some of the same things that made me doubt,  When I was again able to get him on the phone, I knew for sure the  places where he wasn’t who he said he was.

In wondering why I went through this and couldn’t see or recognize the  parts that were fake first off, the answer is:  I am human. Then I thought perhaps it was to educate someone who reads my blog or is my friend on Facebook. Perhaps that’s why God let me experience this.

These scammers are professionals at psychology and they know how to get you emotionally connected and take advantage of your human frailties..

So to help you and those you love, let your children know when you are going to go on a dating site.  Let them know who you are chatting with.  Please let me know if this article helps you..

Here’s what i discovered, it may be fake or a scam artist at work:

  1. If when you talk with them, they are hard to understand because of an accent.
  2. If the voice doesn’t seem to match the profile picture. If it’s a Caucasian or Hispanic picture but sounds like someone from Africa or India.
  3. If they get upset if you don’t trust them.
  4. If you check on the names of their deceased spouse you are unable to find it or if you find it you can’t find any connection to the person you are communicating with.
  5. If they say before they meet in person they have to find out if you are compatible. If you ask them what that means they say you’re a match. Ask them what that means, they can’t tell you.
  6. If they say you have to answer a series of questions to find out if you are compatible before you meet…..the last question will be about finances…telling about his or her finances. If they get the feeling that you have money, then they profess their giving caution to the wind and they’ve fallen in love with you throwing their fears away.
  7. If you can’t find any information on them online through background checks, it might be a fake name.
  8. If they post only one picture.
  9. If they profess their love for you.
  10. If they ask you to answer certain questions to find out if you are compatible.
  11. If their language on  messages seems like it’s from a romance novel.
  12. If they don’t have a middle name.
  13. If they won’t meet you in person or on video chat within the first week.
  14. If they give you their company website, check the pictures on it with Google image search It will tell if it’s a stock photo or if they are using someone else’s picture, it will show up there.
  15.  Check the website on a computer that warns you of websites to look out for. 3 days in a row or once a week. See if it changes information often.
  16. Call the number on the website for the business. If they don’t answer with the name of the company like most companies, it is a fake.
  17. If you ask them about their work and they are vague about it and cannot explain it.
  18. If you ask them where they live, they may mention one place in their profile and tell you they live in the city where you are.
  19. If they ignore your questions, but keep asking their own.
  20. If they send you a link to  a website or article to read. It might be rigged to get your personal information.
  21. If they don’t want you to tell your family or friends about them, or they indicate they’ve told their friends about you and their friends are saying they should look out, that you might be wanting to get something from them.

When I did talk to the person on the phone, I asked him questions. And of course he said we were not compatible

Ultimately the scammers or fake people will ask you for money. The one who contacted me couldn’t get me to trust him.

Contact the dating site customer service and explain how you believe this person was fake.

If you suspect an online relationship is a scam, stop all contact immediately.

Contact the dating service or site and explain which name profile and the problems you had.

If you are the victim of a romance scam and have given them money or stocks, file a complaint with the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3).


  1. AARP. “Romance Scams:” https://www.aarp.org/money/scams-fraud/info-2019/romance.html

2. Romance Scams.org. “How to Spot Online Dating Scams:” https://www.romancescams.org/how-to-spot-online-dating-scams/

Put Universal Conflict, Theme, and Emotions in Your Story

“Put Universal Conflict, Theme, and Emotions in Your Story” by Joan Y. Edwards

Editors ask: What is the universal theme of your story? information book? article? poem?

What do you answer? Are you clueless? Perhaps I can help.

I went to the Oregon Coast Children’s Book Writers Workshop in Oceanside, Oregon from July 12-16, 2010. I was sharing a poem I wrote. The editor wanted to know what was my poem’s universal theme. What I had thought was a universal theme was really not universal. It was regional or subjective. Therefore, I did research to find out more about the subject of universal theme.

But first you have to know what your conflict is. To gain more readership, make your conflict one of the universal conflicts listed below.
What does the main character want that he cannot get or have?
Conflict adds excitement and suspense to the story.
What disturbed him beyond belief? What is the cause of distress for the main character?
What disrupts the business as usual of the main character?
What happens that the main character may try to ignore but cannot? He has to deal with this problem, internally and externally.

The internal conflict comes when the main character has to choose between two solutions to the problem: one moral, one immoral; one against his family rules; one against club’s rules; one that might hurt his friend, one that might hurt himself; one that might win the trust of his friends, one that would make him untrustworthy, one that makes him a liar, one that makes him tell the truth; mixed emotions add the tension to the story and make people want to read it to find out what the main character decided to do and what the consequences were for his actions….did it bring him closer to the goal, or bring him to his last breath.

Universal Conflicts
In a story you have one of the following universal conflicts played out:
Man against Man
Man against Self
Man against Nature
Man against Society
Man against Family
Man against the Universe
Man against Machines
Man against Institutions
Man against God
Man against Time
Man against Destiny

Never fear: Your story will probably fit into one of the universal conflicts listed above.

Goals Main Characters Struggle for, Search for, Need, Want
Acceptance, Admiration, Ambition, Approval, Attention, Authority, Awareness, Beauty. Belief, Belonging, Choices, Commitment, Community, Compassion, Cooperation, Courage, Dedication, Dream, Education, Equality, Experience, Faith, Family, Friendship, Godly love, Good, Gratitude, Heroes /Heroic Figures and Actions, Honesty, Honor, Hope, Human Relationships, Humor, Identity, Independence, Individuality, Innocence, Justice, Laughter, Law and Order, Live forever, Love, Loyalty, Marriage, Money, Morality,
Nature, Nonviolence, Passion, Peace, Perseverance, Possibilities, Power, Principles, Rebirth, Redemption, Religion, Respect, Responsibility, Romance, Sex, Spiritual enlightenment, Success, Taxes, Time, Trust, Truth, Understanding.

Forces Opposing Main Character, Keep Him from Reaching His Goal, Struggle Against, Has to Triumph Over, Doesn’t Want, Opposite of Goal, Perils of, What the Main Character Doesn’t want:
Accusation, Alienation, Ambition, Authority, Beliefs, Betrayal, Blame, Challenge, church, Coming of Age, Competition, Corruption, Country, County, Court, Crime, Death, Deception, Despair, Destruction, Disallusionment of adulthood, Disapproval, Distrust, Envy, Etiquette, Evil, Faith, Family, Fate, Fear, Forbidden, Freedom, Future, Government, Greed, Grief, Guilt, Handicap, Hatred, Hospital, Initiation, Injustice, Institutions, Jail, Jealousy, Justice, Lack of compassion, Lies, Loss, Materialism, Nation, Nature, Nature as dangerous, Oppression, Past, Power, Persecution, Poverty, Prejudice, Pride, Prison, Problems, Punishment, Rebelling, Rejection, Religion, Responsibility, Revenge, Rules, Sacrifice, Schools, Self-Doubt, Shame, Society, Taxes, Time, Town, Tragedy, Vengeance, Village, Vulnerability, War.

After you finish writing your story or when you’ve finished your outline, what has your main character learned from his conflict? What did the main character learn in his battle against one of the conflicts listed above? This is the theme. Make it a universal theme shared by all mankind, so that all of mankind will want to read your book.

The Universal Theme
The universal theme is the story’s (author’s) view about life and how people behave. It is the statement the story makes about society, human nature, or the human condition that the author wants to convey to readers. It’s an observation about life that can apply to any and everyone representing the conflicts, dreams, hopes, and fears across cultures and continents, and from generation to generation. It could be the moral to the story, a teaching, or an observation. It transcends race, gender, sexual preference, and creed. Some examples are love, peace, friendship, and other concepts about life.

Universal themes exist because people worldwide go through the common human experiences of being born, experiencing anguish and joy, and dying come from emotions and that touch and can apply to any and all cultures, genders, ages, sexual preference, creeds, geography, historical periods, and genres.

The universal theme is the story’s (author’s) view about life and how people behave in a particular situation. It is a statement the story makes about society, human nature, or the human condition through the author’s words and characters. The theme is universal when it transcends race, gender, sexual preference, creed. cultures, continents, and generations representing the conflicts, dreams, hopes, and fears such as: love, peace, friendship, and other concepts about life that can apply to any and everyone.

Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White
Conflict of Nature against death
You do not have to worry about dying and death. It’s a natural thing.

Law and Order Television Series by Dick Wolf
Conflict of Good over Evil – Dick Wolf presents both sides of the issues
Even with the latest technology and evidence, police and district attorneys do not always win their cases against evil.

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
Love against society, family, death
Love can be so passionate that one would prefer death to living without the loved one.

Universal Emotions

Emotions Are Universal.

Put emotions in your story. It makes your characters come alive. One way to make your story have universal appeal is to add the tension of opposing emotions. We all feel mixed emotions every day. Should we do this? We shouldn’t do that. It’s smart to do this. How could I be so stupid? How could he be so naive? What’s the wisest choice? What are my choices? Do I get a choice? When a character has two or three choices and none of them are very good, it’s tension time for reading and living, and it makes the reader want to turn the page.

All people experience emotions. Putting believable emotions into your story will help it reach more readers.

Here are Paul Ekman’s Big Six Emotions

Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions Robert Plutchik used the above six emotions and added two others below:

Ekman’s Eleven Other Basic Emotions
Pride in achievement
Sensory pleasure

The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin gives nine emotions
Nine Emotions

Nine States of Emotional Empowerment

10 Emotional Triggers That Are Delaying Your True Purpose

Swati Chopra from New Delhi, India says the nine rasas are:
Distress (hunger, discomfort)


Here are websites with information about emotions:

  1. http://www.clipartguide.com/ Great! Pictures matched with emotions
  2. http://www.feelingfacescards.com/
  3. http://www.eqi.org/fw.htm
  4. http://www.eqi.org/cnfs.htm
  5. http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emotions

I hope you enjoyed my blog post. I hope I enlightened you, rather than confused you. Please let me know if I helped you make your writing appeal to more people, to make it more universally appealing. Capture this universal appeal and you’ll capture an editor’s heart!

Don’t give up on your writing. Never Give Up on winning and resolving conflicts that come your way.

You are a published author in your mind, before you get that way on paper.  You can do it. Yes, you can.

Never Give Up
Live with Enthusiasm
Celebrate Each Step You Take

Joan Y. Edwards
Copyright © 2010-2021 Joan Y. Edwards

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