Tag Archives: Distrust

Health

Uh Oh! Possible Problems and Scams with Online Dating

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Uh Oh! Possible Problems and Scams with Online Dating

“Uh Oh! Possible Problems and Scams with Online Dating” by Joan Y. Edwards

Uh Oh. Silly me. I thought a few months ago, I enjoyed being married. I’d like to get married again. I thought I’d try online dating. I knew several people who’d met online and their relationship worked out. Many friends of friends have used online dating and it has worked out. It may work for many people for varying reasons. It did not work for me in this instance.  I kept trying to pinpoint believing and not believing the person who contacted me through a dating site. Part of me didn’t believe and I was trying to find the facts to say for sure.

I knew I was not going to send money but I was never asked for money.  He couldn’t build that trust with me. After I texted him I had told my daughters about him meeting me in two weeks and I confronted him about inconsistencies, he said we were not compatible. Then I said if we are not compatible, goodbye.

I talked on the phone to this man 3 times.  Each time we got into a discussion of compatibility and trust.

Once they believe they have your trust and you believe you are compatible, then they delve on the love. They refuse to meet in person or on video chat.

I prayed daily while during this encounter. I asked others to pray for me.  When I shared with my daughters and their families about this man, they discovered some of the same things that made me doubt,  When I was again able to get him on the phone, I knew for sure the  places where he wasn’t who he said he was.

In wondering why I went through this and couldn’t see or recognize the  parts that were fake first off, the answer is:  I am human. Then I thought perhaps it was to educate someone who reads my blog or is my friend on Facebook. Perhaps that’s why God let me experience this.

These scammers are professionals at psychology and they know how to get you emotionally connected and take advantage of your human frailties..

So to help you and those you love, let your children know when you are going to go on a dating site.  Let them know who you are chatting with.  Please let me know if this article helps you..

Here’s what i discovered, it may be fake or a scam artist at work:

  1. If when you talk with them, they are hard to understand because of an accent.
  2. If the voice doesn’t seem to match the profile picture. If it’s a Caucasian or Hispanic picture but sounds like someone from Africa or India.
  3. If they get upset if you don’t trust them.
  4. If you check on the names of their deceased spouse you are unable to find it or if you find it you can’t find any connection to the person you are communicating with.
  5. If they say before they meet in person they have to find out if you are compatible. If you ask them what that means they say you’re a match. Ask them what that means, they can’t tell you.
  6. If they say you have to answer a series of questions to find out if you are compatible before you meet…..the last question will be about finances…telling about his or her finances. If they get the feeling that you have money, then they profess their giving caution to the wind and they’ve fallen in love with you throwing their fears away.
  7. If you can’t find any information on them online through background checks, it might be a fake name.
  8. If they post only one picture.
  9. If they profess their love for you.
  10. If they ask you to answer certain questions to find out if you are compatible.
  11. If their language on  messages seems like it’s from a romance novel.
  12. If they don’t have a middle name.
  13. If they won’t meet you in person or on video chat within the first week.
  14. If they give you their company website, check the pictures on it with Google image search It will tell if it’s a stock photo or if they are using someone else’s picture, it will show up there.
  15.  Check the website on a computer that warns you of websites to look out for. 3 days in a row or once a week. See if it changes information often.
  16. Call the number on the website for the business. If they don’t answer with the name of the company like most companies, it is a fake.
  17. If you ask them about their work and they are vague about it and cannot explain it.
  18. If you ask them where they live, they may mention one place in their profile and tell you they live in the city where you are.
  19. If they ignore your questions, but keep asking their own.
  20. If they send you a link to  a website or article to read. It might be rigged to get your personal information.
  21. If they don’t want you to tell your family or friends about them, or they indicate they’ve told their friends about you and their friends are saying they should look out, that you might be wanting to get something from them.

When I did talk to the person on the phone, I asked him questions. And of course he said we were not compatible

Ultimately the scammers or fake people will ask you for money. The one who contacted me couldn’t get me to trust him.

Contact the dating site customer service and explain how you believe this person was fake.

If you suspect an online relationship is a scam, stop all contact immediately.

Contact the dating service or site and explain which name profile and the problems you had.

If you are the victim of a romance scam and have given them money or stocks, file a complaint with the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3).

Resources

  1. AARP. “Romance Scams:” https://www.aarp.org/money/scams-fraud/info-2019/romance.html

2. Romance Scams.org. “How to Spot Online Dating Scams:” https://www.romancescams.org/how-to-spot-online-dating-scams/

Health, Writing

Push and Pull of Trust and Distrust

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“Push and Pull of Trust and Distrust” by Joan Y. Edwards

Trust and distrust cause a big push and pull in relationships. Google says that trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. In your writing, you may be able to use the trust/distrust tendencies of human nature to add a little intrigue and interest in a character or situation in your story. Trust creates limitless possibilities with relationships with yourself, significant others (family, friends, and co-workers). It gives you confidence and helps you remain calm. On the other hand, distrust rips you apart emotionally. Your confidence disappears. Your hope for the future is tainted by worry and unrest.

Are you paranoid about trusting others? What causes you to distrust others?

If your caregivers were not dependable when you were a baby or a young child, you may have more problems trusting people than a child whose parents were dependable and trustworthy. I think sometimes you don’t trust yourself and therefore you don’t trust others in the same area. If you can’t trust yourself to do what you say you are going to do, you may not trust anyone else to do what they say they are going to do. If you lie all the time, you might have a hard time believing that others are telling the truth.

You can answer these first six questions about yourself to see if there are things you might want to work on improving your trust in yourself and others. Or ask these questions about one of the characters you are using in a story. I reworded Martha Beck’s questions from her Huffington Post article to make it personal.

If your answer is “Yes” to the following questions, then you probably trust yourself

1. Do you show up on time?

2 Do you do things when you say you’re going to do them?

3. When you describe an event, it is correct? Does it match the information others give about it?

If your answer is “YES” to the following questions, you probably don’t trust yourself in this area.

4. Do you lie to people or assume that others will help you deceive another person?

5. Do you ever withhold information to make things go more smoothly or to avoid conflict and confrontation?

6. Do you ever lie, cheat, be unkind or do other things that you would condemn another person for doing the same thing?

A new experience that causes you to distrust a significant person in your life can rip you apart emotionally. It causes pain. The closer the person is to you and the more you trusted them before this event, the bigger the rip is to your heart.

Brandon Smith shared signs that you can’t trust your co-workers in an article on his blog:  http://theworkplacetherapist.com/signs-you-cant-trust-your-co-workers/. I reworded them here. You can assign these traits to the antagonist or villain in your story and create tension galore for your main character. It could rip him apart.

Signs of Distrust in a Co-Worker

  • Is dishonest and never truthful.
  • Does not always do what he says he will do
  • Usually doesn’t carry out the responsibilities of his job.
  • Makes it harder for you to succeed by keeping vital information from you
  • Gets irritable when you or others get in his workspace.
  • Sees you as a threat to his job.
  • Acts jealous of you and your job in the company
  • Wants your job or wants to replace you with one of his favorite employees.
  • Deliberately destroys, damages, or obstructs your success

Signs of Distrust in the Workplace

  • Everyone secures their desks and offices with locks or security systems.
  • If you leave food in the break room area, it is never there when you go back for it.
  • Fellow employees gossip constantly about you and other employees.
  • Criticism is widespread at work. No one receives praise for doing a good work or showing outstanding effort.
  • An employee who is having a hard time with his job never receive help or extra training to complete a project.
  • Workers set out to beat other employees in any manner possible, even if it is unethical, illegal, or cruel.
  • Your boss gives special favors to employees he likes.
  • You do not know your job responsibilities as they keep changing according to the whim of your boss.
  • Your boss is never pleased with any part of your performance even when you complete all the work as outlined in your contract successfully and even do extra things beyond the call of duty that help your workplace.
  • (I added this one) Your boss takes credit for your ideas.

Is your relationship with your partner defined by honesty and dependability—or suspicion and betrayal? To help you decide, use the quiz at the University of California, Berkeley Greater Good Berkeley: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take_quiz/5

Resources

  1. Brandon Smith. “Signs You Can’t Trust Your Co-Workers:” http://theworkplacetherapist.com/signs-you-cant-trust-your-co-workers/.
  2. Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders. “Paranoia:” http://www.minddisorders.com/Ob-Ps/Paranoia.html
  3. Greater Good Berkeley.Edu. University of California, Berkeley.  “Relationship Trust Quiz.” http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take_quiz/5
  4. Kendra Cherry. “Trust Versus Mistrust:” http://psychology.about.com/od/psychosocialtheories/a/trust-versus-mistrust.htm
  5. Martha Beck. Huffington Post. “Simple Test Reveals If Someone Is Trustworthy:” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/16/trust-issues-dependable-relationships_n_4098395.html

Thank you for reading my blog. I hope I have helped you discover many reasons to trust yourself and many ways to show the villains in your stories can’t be trusted. How do you decide whether to trust someone? Please tell me in a comment.

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Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author
Copyright © 2014-2019 Joan Y. Edwards
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