Tag Archives: beliefs

Three Ways to Lessen the Negative Impact of Childhood Experiences on Your Adult Life

girl climbing tree to get a new perspective
Look from Another Perspective. Thank you, Alan Mas and Pexels for allowing me to use this photo.

“Three Ways to Lessen the Negative Impact of Childhood Experiences on Your Adult Life” by Joan Y. Edwards

Honoring Tom Boya’s request for a post about the impact of childhood experiences on your adult life, I wrote this article. I hope it helps.

1.  Are the videos that run through your mind, fact or opinion. Make index cards with new positive belief statements. Look from a different point of view. Discover the facts.

In 1996, when I met my late husband, Carl, he was still trying to get over his father telling him that he was too slow.  Over and over again, his father said, “Son, you are so slow.” His father said this to him continuously since he was  five or six years old. It still made him sad. He still believed it when he was 54 years old.

I told Carl that when you are under the age of reason (usually seven years old), what authority figures tell you seeps down in your mind. Your subconscious mind believes it without question: “I am slow. I am always slow.”

You have no filter. You can’t tell fact from opinion. I told him, “Let’s try to put new belief statements in your mind.  Reprogram your thinking.  Look from another point of view.”

I pointed out to Carl that he had a job where he was in charge of sending out workers to repair gas lines. He also had to notify the city that there was a leak and get permission to dig in the streets. He had to call a locate company to locate the other lines in the area: phone lines, cable lines, water lines. He had to do all this in a matter of minutes by phone because it was critical to the safety of the people. I told him that no one who was slow could do his job. Yet, he couldn’t rush things and forget something either.

I told Carl that he didn’t do things as fast as his father wanted him to, but that didn’t mean he was too slow.

Carl got where he didn’t have his father’s words going through his head any more. He was much happier and accepted himself as he was. He was fine at his speed, not slow at all.

2. Discover the facts. Discard the hurtful opinions. Realize that “If God is happy with you, you don’t have to worry about anyone else.” It doesn’t matter what other people think. What you believe about yourself is what counts. Keep as positive as you can.

When I was five I had a baby brother, my mother and grandfather went visiting neighbors. Mother told me to rock my brother until they got back. When they came back, I was sound asleep still rocking my baby brother.  Mother told me I was too obedient and didn’t have any common sense.

Again this was before the age of reason. Authority figure told me to rock the baby, so I rocked  the baby.

As a teenager and as an adult, I worked hard to research things so that I would not only have common sense, but good opinions about many things.

As a teacher for 35 years, I sometimes got into trouble because I think outside the box. I don’t see through the window like many others do.  But, I’ve learned to respect that it’s okay for me to be me.  I was so happy when I figured out this, “It’s okay if others don’t like or approve me or my actions. As long as God is happy with me, I don’t have to worry about anyone else.”

soar like an eagle
Go Higher in Your Thinking of Yourself
Soar like an eagle. Thank you, Stacy Vitallo and Pixabay for letting me use this image.

3. Your emotional beliefs may be based on false ideas, but these emotions are real. They hurt as a child and as an adult. Look from another point of view. Do something to challenge or change that idea in your mind. Love yourself. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you as you are right now.

Look from a different prospective
Boy llooking through his legs for another perspective. Thank you to DanaTentis and Pixabay for allowing me to use this image.

Sometimes as children, we misjudge things emotionally. For me, I believed I was alone…abandoned. That no one would spend time with me. My Daddy travelled most of the time, but, I really wasn’t alone.  Everyone else in my family liked going out more.  I was comfy being at home.

But something happened to change my thinking.  I spent 3 summers as a teenager with my Uncle Vernon and Aunt Martha. They had seven children: Leonard, Billy, Pete, Thurman, Susan, Cheryl, and Millie. There was always someone at home. We played together. We did chores together.  We laughed together. I didn’t feel alone there. I felt accepted and loved.  We were cousins. However,  they were  like brothers and sisters and close friends to me. Some of them have passed away. But the memories are still treasured in my heart. I am thankful they were there for me and to those who are still alive and help me survive today.

I hope that you will find a way to ease the painful memories of your childhood and replace them with love and forgiveness for yourself and the others in your life. We are all human…imperfect but wonderfully made.

Resources

1. Joan Y. Edwards. “Three Good Childhood Experiences That Influenced My Choices as an Adult:” https://www.joanyedwards.com/2022/06/28/three-good-childhood-experiences-that-influenced-my-choices-as-an-adult/

2. Joan Y. Edwards. “Do You Need the Forgiveness Tunnel?” https://www.joanyedwards.com/2018/05/24/do-you-need-the-forgiveness-tunnel/

3. Key Differences.com. “Difference between Fact and Opinion:” https://keydifferences.com/difference-between-fact-and-opinion.html

4. Tony Robbins. “How to Let Go of the Past:” https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/let-go-past/

Please leave a comment. Share a life experience or resource that helped you let go of a negative experience.

Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author
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Are You Thinking Straight? Check Your Beliefs.

Are you thinking straight
“Are You Thinking Straight? Check Your Beliefs.” by Joan Y. Edwards

I was searching through papers from my teaching days yesterday, looking for pictures that might need scanning, when I came across a paper I’d saved with hints for clear thinking from Dr. Albert Ellis, a famous pyschologist in the 1950’s.  He designed a therapy called Rational Therapy. Dr. Ellis believed that Rational Therapy was more direct, efficient, and effective than pyschotherapy.  Later they changed the name of his therapy to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.

Dr. Ellis said there are 12 false thoughts or beliefs that are prevalent with people that lead to problems in our thinking. If our thinking is faulty, our emotions may be out of whack, too. I’ll bet you’re familiar with at least one of these faulty statements.  Dr. Ellis wrote them as we-statements; I changed them to I-statements. I added what I believe are healthier ways of thinking for each of them.

Hint for Writers: You can use one or two of these erroneous thinking statements as flaws for a character in your stories.

  1. Faulty way of thinking: I must be loved by everyone and everyone must approve everything I do. Healthier way of thinking: It’s okay if some people don’t love me and don’t approve of everything that I do.
  2. Faulty way of thinking: I must be thoroughly competent, adequate, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects. Healthier way of thinking: I don’t have to be thoroughly competent, adequate, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects.
  3. Faulty way of thinking: Certain acts are wrong or wicked or villainous, and people who perform them should be severely punished. Healthier way of thinking: Certain acts are wrong or wicked or villainous and people who perform them will be punished by God. It is not my job to judge them. Judge their actions, not them as a person. The authorities who govern the area where they live are in charge of  judging and punishing them for their actions, if deemed necessary by the law.
  4. Faulty way of thinking: It is a terrible catastrophe when things are not as I would like them to be. Healthier way of thinking: Things can be okay even when things are not as I would like for them to be.
  5. Faulty way of thinking: Unhappiness is the result of external events and happenings that are forced on us and that we have no control over. Healthier way of thinking: Happiness is the result of my internal beliefs and thoughts about external events and happenings. I can control the thoughts and beliefs on which I focus.
  6. Faulty way of thinking: We should be greatly concerned about dangerous and fearful things and must center our thinking on them until the danger is passed. Healthier way of thinking: I should be concerned about dangerous and fearful things, but I should center my thinking on surviving the dangers and facing my fears.
  7. Faulty way of thinking: It is easier to avoid difficulties and responsibilities than to face them. Healthier way of thinking: It is easier to face difficulties and responsibilities than to avoid them.
  8. Faulty way of thinking: We need a person stronger than ourselves to rely on. Healthier way of thinking: I am as strong a person as I need to be to do what I need to do. I don’t need someone stronger than me to rely on. God will help me.
  9. Faulty way of thinking: Because something greatly influenced us in the past, it must determine our present behavior;  the influence of the past cannot be overcome. Healthier way of thinking: Even if something greatly influenced me in the past, it does not have to determine my present behavior. The influence of the past can be overcome.
  10. Faulty way of thinking: What other people do is vitally important to me, and I should make every effort to change them to be the way I think they should be. Healthier way of thinking: Sometimes what other people do is vitally important to me. I should accept them as they are. If their behavior harms you in some way, explain how you would prefer for them to act. Realize that they may or may not do it. Behavior is a choice.
  11. Faulty way of thinking: There is one perfect solution to every problem, and if it is not found, the result will be terrible. Healthier way of thinking: There is more than one solution with good results to every problem.
  12. Faulty way of thinking: I have virtually no control over my emotions; I am their victim and cannot help how I feel. Healthier way of thinking: If I change my beliefs and thoughts, I can change my emotions. I am a victor; not a victim.

I hope you enjoyed reading this blog post. I’d love to hear which of these faulty thoughts you’ve had and how you changed it. Or tell me a change, you’re glad you made. Resources follow my signature.

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Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author
Copyright © 2017 Joan Y. Edwards
Flip Flap Floodle Will this little duck’s song save him from Mr. Fox?
Joan’s Elder Care Guide A guide to help caregivers and elders find solutions.
80 Gospel-Based Crossword Puzzles for Year B Fun for Children’s Liturgy, Children’s Church, Sunday School, and Home Bible Study.

 Resources

  1. Ann Jorn. Psychcentral.com. “Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy:”
    https://psychcentral.com/lib/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy/
  2. Famous Psychologists. “Albert Ellis:” http://www.psychologistanywhereanytime.com/famous_psychologist_and_psychologists/psychologist_famous_albert_ellis.htm
  3. Good Therapy.org. “Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT):” http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/rational-emotive-behavioral-therapy