Tag Archives: accept yourself as you are

Three Ways to Lessen the Negative Impact of Childhood Experiences on Your Adult Life

girl climbing tree to get a new perspective
Look from Another Perspective. Thank you, Alan Mas and Pexels for allowing me to use this photo.

“Three Ways to Lessen the Negative Impact of Childhood Experiences on Your Adult Life” by Joan Y. Edwards

Honoring Tom Boya’s request for a post about the impact of childhood experiences on your adult life, I wrote this article. I hope it helps.

1.  Are the videos that run through your mind, fact or opinion. Make index cards with new positive belief statements. Look from a different point of view. Discover the facts.

In 1996, when I met my late husband, Carl, he was still trying to get over his father telling him that he was too slow.  Over and over again, his father said, “Son, you are so slow.” His father said this to him continuously since he was  five or six years old. It still made him sad. He still believed it when he was 54 years old.

I told Carl that when you are under the age of reason (usually seven years old), what authority figures tell you seeps down in your mind. Your subconscious mind believes it without question: “I am slow. I am always slow.”

You have no filter. You can’t tell fact from opinion. I told him, “Let’s try to put new belief statements in your mind.  Reprogram your thinking.  Look from another point of view.”

I pointed out to Carl that he had a job where he was in charge of sending out workers to repair gas lines. He also had to notify the city that there was a leak and get permission to dig in the streets. He had to call a locate company to locate the other lines in the area: phone lines, cable lines, water lines. He had to do all this in a matter of minutes by phone because it was critical to the safety of the people. I told him that no one who was slow could do his job. Yet, he couldn’t rush things and forget something either.

I told Carl that he didn’t do things as fast as his father wanted him to, but that didn’t mean he was too slow.

Carl got where he didn’t have his father’s words going through his head any more. He was much happier and accepted himself as he was. He was fine at his speed, not slow at all.

2. Discover the facts. Discard the hurtful opinions. Realize that “If God is happy with you, you don’t have to worry about anyone else.” It doesn’t matter what other people think. What you believe about yourself is what counts. Keep as positive as you can.

When I was five I had a baby brother, my mother and grandfather went visiting neighbors. Mother told me to rock my brother until they got back. When they came back, I was sound asleep still rocking my baby brother.  Mother told me I was too obedient and didn’t have any common sense.

Again this was before the age of reason. Authority figure told me to rock the baby, so I rocked  the baby.

As a teenager and as an adult, I worked hard to research things so that I would not only have common sense, but good opinions about many things.

As a teacher for 35 years, I sometimes got into trouble because I think outside the box. I don’t see through the window like many others do.  But, I’ve learned to respect that it’s okay for me to be me.  I was so happy when I figured out this, “It’s okay if others don’t like or approve me or my actions. As long as God is happy with me, I don’t have to worry about anyone else.”

soar like an eagle
Go Higher in Your Thinking of Yourself
Soar like an eagle. Thank you, Stacy Vitallo and Pixabay for letting me use this image.

3. Your emotional beliefs may be based on false ideas, but these emotions are real. They hurt as a child and as an adult. Look from another point of view. Do something to challenge or change that idea in your mind. Love yourself. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you as you are right now.

Look from a different prospective
Boy llooking through his legs for another perspective. Thank you to DanaTentis and Pixabay for allowing me to use this image.

Sometimes as children, we misjudge things emotionally. For me, I believed I was alone…abandoned. That no one would spend time with me. My Daddy travelled most of the time, but, I really wasn’t alone.  Everyone else in my family liked going out more.  I was comfy being at home.

But something happened to change my thinking.  I spent 3 summers as a teenager with my Uncle Vernon and Aunt Martha. They had seven children: Leonard, Billy, Pete, Thurman, Susan, Cheryl, and Millie. There was always someone at home. We played together. We did chores together.  We laughed together. I didn’t feel alone there. I felt accepted and loved.  We were cousins. However,  they were  like brothers and sisters and close friends to me. Some of them have passed away. But the memories are still treasured in my heart. I am thankful they were there for me and to those who are still alive and help me survive today.

I hope that you will find a way to ease the painful memories of your childhood and replace them with love and forgiveness for yourself and the others in your life. We are all human…imperfect but wonderfully made.


1. Joan Y. Edwards. “Three Good Childhood Experiences That Influenced My Choices as an Adult:” https://www.joanyedwards.com/three-good-childhood-experiences-that-influenced-my-choices-as-an-adult/

2. Joan Y. Edwards. “Do You Need the Forgiveness Tunnel?” https://www.joanyedwards.com/do-you-need-the-forgiveness-tunnel/

3. Key Differences.com. “Difference between Fact and Opinion:” https://keydifferences.com/difference-between-fact-and-opinion.html

4. Tony Robbins. “How to Let Go of the Past:” https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/let-go-past/

Please leave a comment. Share a life experience or resource that helped you let go of a negative experience.

Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author
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10 Paths to Inner Peace

“10 Paths to Inner Peace” by Joan Y. Edwards

The older I get, the more I realize that we human beings want control of ourselves and others. We want control of our environment. Guess what! It’s very tricky.

Inner peace is an absence of mental anxiety! Do you find it difficult to go with the flow? Do you find your inner peace stifled or trampled daily? Do you want to stop things from going the way they seem to be heading? Are you on a path to Crashville?

1. Pray to your creator and Trust in Him. He has a plan for you.

Pray to God and ask him for help. Tell him all of the things that are bothering you. Tell him every single thing that is bugging you and keeping your from being at peace.  Visit your church, synagogue, house of prayer, temple, mosque, etc. I find that when I go to church and pray that I feel a little closer to God.  However, I know that God is with me all the time. It helps me to emotionally be calmer to make a visit to the church.

2. Rest. Meditate. Say Positive Things Aloud and Silently.

Visualize images of beauty and calmness. Play music that calms you. Say good things about yourself. Take time to rest.
I am lovable. I am kind. What I do matters. What I hope for matters. My emotions are real; neither good nor bad; neither right nor wrong.

3. Accept Things as They Are.

What’s odd is that in order to change things, you first have to accept them as they are. For this reason, it’s good to go with the flow. If you’re in a tube going down the Tuckasegee River, I can tell you from personal experience that it’s easier to float downstream if you’re going with the flow.

If you’re walking down a busy sidewalk, it’s much easier to go with the flow – everyone walking on the right hand side. Otherwise, you end up weaving in and out of people and bumping the whole way.

Many times you may have difficulty accepting others as they are. You desperately want to change them.

Perhaps that’s why I became a teacher, hoping I could persuade children with problem behaviors to change. I thought that if they were educated with the pros and cons of different types of behaviors and their consequences they would choose healthier, more positive behaviors. But you see, you can’t change other people. Those other people have to change themselves.

It’s nice to have people agree with you every once in a while, it gives you a good feeling of belonging. However, it’s not good to give up your strong beliefs that you know are right to be in agreement with others.

Some people are power hungry…more money…more power. More power, more control over others.

4. Love Yourself and Others. Take time for you.

Peace is being happy with who you are and your circumstances, whatever they might be. I love to hear the scripture that says that God created each of us for a certain purpose. Without us, the world would not have something that it needs to survive.  The name we were given at birth is significant for us. God gave new names to people in the Bible when they came to an aha moment. 

5. Forgive Yourself and Others 

The greatest gift you can give yourself and other people in your life is your forgiveness. Each day you carry anger around, it makes a negative impact on your health. Lighten your load. Take steps to let someone you’ve been angry with for hours, days, months, or years off the hook. Realize that they are human, just like you. And that just like you, they are not perfect. If there has been anger on both sides of the fence, your releasing your anger and allowing them to be as they are, may give them the freedom to change, too.

6. Perform Three Simple Tasks

Make a list of things that need to be done for your home surroundings or for yourself. Then choose three activities and do them. It’s amazing how getting things done makes you feel empowered. You realize that you can control doing a few things. It also frees your mind to think of solutions. It frees your mind to think of other things.

7. Research to Find Alternative Beliefs and Solutions to the Problems at Hand

Look up information about your problem online, in books, or through talking with others. Sometimes through explaining the situation to another person, you come to the solution in your mind. 

8. Watch Funny Movies and Television Shows. Read Funny Books.

Laughter is healing. It releases endorphins that help you feel calmer on the inside. It releases the negative emotions: sad, mad, powerless feelings that seem to be stuck. Even fake laughs help loosen the grip these emotions have on you. Laughter is like oil for your car. It’s essential to keeping you going.

9. Walk. Exercise. Breathe.

Exercising the body releases endorphins that help you feel calmer on the inside, too. Walk inside your house or outside your house. Walk around the outside of your house. Ride an exercise bike. Walk to the corner and back. Walk around the outside of your house. 

10. Eat the Right Foods for You. Eat Healthy.

Eat. Drink plenty of water. Too many carbs, too much sugar, too much caffeine!  Look out for these and other foods that can put you in jeopardy. They can steal your joy.  Try to stay in the Goldilocks section. Not too much. Not too little. Just right.

11. Focus on What You Want

What you focus on is what you get. What you spend your time, thoughts, and spoken words on is what you’re going to get. Accept that the opposite could happen. Accept that the bad thing that you’re so afraid of could happen. But then also accept and focus on what you want to happen. Then take the necessary steps to start the ball rolling in that direction.

12. Meet with a friend. Call for Help. 

We need social connections to survive. Being with other people gives us endorphins, too. If you’re overwhelmed, call for help. Ask a friend. Join a support group. Ask for professional help if you need it. Everyone may need counseling at some time in their life. I went through counseling one time in my life. Everyone needs help once in a while. You don’t have to go through this alone. You’re not alone. Others care about you.  


  1. Daily Mind. “How to Go with the Flow:” http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/go-with-the-flow/
  2. Free Dictionary. “Definition of Peace: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/peace 
  3. Huffington Post. “10 Kind Things to Tell Yourself Every Day:”  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/10/kind-things-to-tell-yourself_n_4570376.html
  4. I am Fearless Soul. “5 Steps to Finding Peace within Yourself:” https://iamfearlesssoul.com/5-steps-to-finding-peace-within-yourself-and-how-to-keep-it/
  5. Learning Mind. “Effective Ways to Find Peace within Yourself:” https://www.learning-mind.com/effective-ways-to-find-peace-within-yourself/
  6. Mountain Crisis Services. “34 Things You Should Know about Yourself:”  http://www.mountaincrisisservices.org/domestic-violence/34-things-you-should-kno
  7. Operation Meditation. “5 Tips to Finding Peace within Yourself.” http://operationmeditation.com/discover/5-tips-to-finding-peace-within-yourself/
  8. Psychology Today. “Smashing the Brain Blocks: 4 Ways to Go with the Flow Even When It Seems Impossible.” https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/smashing-the-brainblocks/201606/4-ways-go-the-flow-even-when-it-seems-impossible
  9. Thesaurus. “Go with the Flow:” http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/go-with-the-flow
  10. Tiny Buddha. “8 Tips to Feel at Peace with Yourself.” https://tinybuddha.com/blog/8-tips-to-feel-at-peace-with-yourself/
  11. Wikihow. “Go with the Flow:” https://www.wikihow.com/Go-With-the-Flow
  12. Wikihow. “How to Release Endorphins:” https://www.wikihow.com/Release-Endorphins
  13. Your Life, Your Voice. “101 Positive Things to Say to Myself:” http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/Pages/tip-101-positive-things-to-say-to-myself.aspx
  14. Zen Habits. “12 Practical Steps for Learning to Go with the Flow:” https://zenhabits.net/12-practical-steps-for-learning-to-go-with-the-flow/

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Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author
Copyright © 2017-2018 Joan Y. Edwards
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