Dear Honored Readers,
Humor is good for your spirit, it helps keep you going. It heals you from the tip of your toes, to the top layer of hairs on your head.
To help you keep on going, read my post.
According to SNOPES.COM The following humorous analogies and metaphors came from the Washington Post’s Style Invitational from 1995 and 1999. On the internet they are often credited as collections from actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Snopes says this is not true. Wherever they came from, they brought so much laughter to David Greenberg at the Oregon Coast Children’s Book Writers Workshop this year that he could hardly read them. That’s when the laughter got so contagious, the whole room laughed with him. I hope these descriptions bring you much laughter.
If you enjoy the following descriptions, you might enjoy Richard Lederer’s Book, “Anguished English.”
I. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
II. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
I hope you are laughing so hard, you feel rejuvenated all over!
Thanks for reading.
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Giveaway complete in 2010.
Copyright 2010 Joan Y. Edwards. All rights reserved.
6 thoughts on “Wonderfully Funny Analogies and Metaphors”
Humor is hard to define and people react to it in different ways. Thank goodness it exists. Thank goodness there’s more than one kind; so we can all find what best appeals to us.
Dear Linda, Thanks for being one of my most loyal readers and commenters! It is frustrating when I’m not able to laugh at myself. Humor definitely helps me cope with life. Look at the fun side!
Thanks Joan. That was wonderful. When did you go to Davids Oregon Coast workshop? I was there in 2004. I am passing on these metaphors to my critique group. Bless you!
Dear Susan, I am honored that you left a comment. I appreciate it very much. I’m glad you enjoyed them. I went to David Greenberg’s OCCBWW this summer from July 12-16, 2010. I searched for you online. Are Earthquake and Jamie’s Dreams your books? I hope your critique group enjoys the analogies and metaphors.
Have a Flip Flap Floodle Day!
Joan Y. Edwards
If you like funny exam answers and essays, then you will like http://www.funny-english-errors.com and the book “Funny English Errors and Insights: Illustrated”.
In the interests of disclosure, I am the compiler of this book. Enjoy!
Thanks for letting me know about your new book. I do love funny writing. Good luck with your new book. By commenting on my blog on its First Birthday, October 9, 2010 you are entered in a drawing for a free copy of my book, Flip Flap Floodle. I hope you stop by my blog again.
Have a Flip Flap Floodle Day!
Joan Y. Edwards