“Go, Anyway” by Joan Y. Edwards
When I was a teenager in the 50s, mostly I hung out with friends. We danced, played games, listened to music. Occasionally, I had a date. My mother, Ethel D. Meyer, gave me great advice: “If someone asks you out on a date and they don’t show up, ‘Go, Anyway.'”
It’s lucky for me, I never got stood up. However, I did have a problem of deciding what to do if I asked a friend to do something with me and they said, “No.”
People spending time with me is very important to me. Sometimes I might think someone doesn’t want to spend time with me which may not be true. They may have a prior commitment. They may be having health problems they do not feel comfortable sharing. They may not like doing what you have asked them to do. They may wish they could go with you.
I didn’t understand why they said, “No.” I may have gotten ticked off a few times. The story I told myself was it meant they didn’t like me or I wasn’t worth spending time with. But that probably wasn’t the story at all. But, I didn’t have the courage to ask why. I was scared of the answer.
Fast forward 39 years later, when I was taking care of my Mom in 1995. I got really ticked off because someone told me, “NO.” They didn’t want to spend Saturday afternoon with me.
This time Mother shared another interesting piece of wisdom: “If you ask someone a yes or no question, you must be ready and able to take a yes or no answer. If you are going to be upset with someone if they say, “No,” you are wanting control rather than giving people a real choice.
That was very enlightening to me. I didn’t want control. If I am in control of someone, I am responsible for them. Being responsible for myself was difficult enough. I didn’t need more pressure. What was I seeking then? Acceptance. Agreement.
Asking a yes or no question of your spouse, family member, or close friend can be devastating if you think, “No.” means something more than a simple “No.” If a No means something terrible in your mind,
It has helped me in many different situations so that I could truly ask an unloaded question and take the answer. What I decided was that whatever I had asked someone to do with me, I would venture forth and go anyway. But, I had to have that idea firmly committed in my mind before asking. I had to have a plan B which would work that would honor both me and the person I asked to join me.
Negative story: If I was worth more, they would go with me.
Empowering story: Give worth to yourself, go anyway.
Negative story: If they liked me, they would go with me.
Empowering story: Show that you like yourself, go anyway.
Asking someone to join you is a gift. You have to be able to take a yes or no without assigning blame on them or deciding you are not worthy because they said, “No.”
Here are questions, answers, and reactions;
Questions with a Yes or No Answer |
Answer |
Your Reaction |
|---|---|---|
Do you want to go to the movies with me? |
No |
Go, Anyway. |
Do you want to go for a picnic at the park |
No |
Go, Anyway |
Would you like to play soccer on the new team? |
No |
Go, Anyway |
Would you go fishing next Saturday morning? |
No |
Go, anyway. |
Would you go to the beach for the weekend with me? |
No |
Go, anyway. |
Don’t make your worth depend upon someone else’s opinion. God created you. You are worthy.
When you choose to go anyway, you are giving yourself these gifts: You are saying to yourself:
“I accept myself as I am.”
“I am worth spending time with.”
“I am enough.”
“I have good ideas.”
“I make good decisions.”
“This is fun for me.”
I share this with you not saying I handle every no with pizzazz. But having a positive plan and saying positive things to myself and thinking positive things about others, helps me stay in better balance. and to have inner peace. Thank you for being here with me today. Keep asking yes or no questions. If someone says, “NO, go anyway.
Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author Copyright 2009-2026
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