Tag Archives: love

Health, Spiritual

What Kinds of Love Make Your World Go Round?

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Vector image of boy with hands on globe
Thanks to 13smok and Pixabay for letting me use this image.

“What Kinds of Love Make Your World Go Round” by Joan Y. Edwards

Love is a strong emotion. Robert Enright, Ph.D. believes that most love centers around 3 categories: mutuality, pleasantness, and low conflict. Love involves a combination of the following ingredients: kindness, consideration, empathy, care, devotion, admiration, trust, commitment, and affection. It also comes from closeness, protectiveness, attraction. For couples, it may contain, passion, intimacy-sex, along with commitment and trust, closeness, and affection. Love makes you feel secure in your relationships. Many believe that love cannot exist unless compassion is present – compassion is a combination of kindness, consideration, empathy and care.

There are many kinds of love.  All love comes from God. Each of us has a love tank. It is filled with love from known and unknown sources. There are 8 kinds of love that make your world and mine go round.  It takes a lot of love from many sources to keep us healthy in body, mind, and spirit.

hand reaching down and pulling up other hand
Love for all humanity and nature.  Charitable, good Samaritans – Agape.Thank you, Austin Kehmeier and Unsplash.com for allowing me to use this image.
  1.   Agape Love – selfless universal love – Love of the world, nature, and all the people in it. I think of this as the love for strangers like the Good Samaritan or people who give to various charities to help other people. It also includes firemen, policemen, doctors, nurses, and other health assistants. This includes God’s love for us and our love of God. The Bible tells you to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Psychology today says that Agape love means loving someone and caring for them physically, even when it is inconvenient or even painful for you to do so. Loving God helps us to learn how to love others and how to receive love from others. Your body, mind, and spirit absorbs God’s love for you even when you don’t feel love coming from someone else. The apostle John writes, “God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him” (1John 4:16).
  2. Healthy Love of Self – Thank you, Yonas Bekele and Unsplash for letting me use this image.

    Philautia Love –  Love of Self. Good Self-Esteem. Feel good ab out your body, mind, and spirit. If you don’t love yourself, you may find it difficult to love another person. Jesus said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”  Even if you love and take care of others all the time, it is equally important and healing to love and take care of yourself, first. If you haven’t taken care of your needs, it may be difficult to share things with others. Self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional and mental well-being first. Self-love motivates you to make healthy choices in life. It is not healthy to focus all your love on yourself nor is it healthy to focus all your love on other people.

    man with black hair kissing his one year old son on the chee
    Unconditional Love of Parents for Children – Storge Love. Thank you, Kelly Sikkema and Unsplash.com for letting me use this photo.
  3. Storge Love – Unconditional Love of parents for their children; the affectionate bond that develops naturally between parents and children. You may disagree with their actions or their beliefs, but you love them anyway. You give them boundaries and help them grow in taking care of themselves so that they will survive without you. You give them unconditional love without expecting anything in return. Barbara Field says that a family’s love psychologically grounds you and provides a framework for future relationships. It enables you to form secure attachments. Securely attached children feel safe and cared for.

    Family and friends sitting arm in arm watching sky lifts
    Love of for parents, siblings, and close friends. Philial Love. Thank you, Duy Pham and Unsplash for letting me use this image.
  4. Philial Love – show love, respect, and support for parents, siblings, and close friends, male and female. These relationships are built on loyalty and trust, accepting love of good friendship. It’s great when the love is unconditional but sometimes friends may come and go depending upon whether you meet their needs or they meet yours. Being friends means you accept them even if they disagree with you. Being friends doesn’t mean you have to have the same beliefs and habits, but usually you have a core of the same values and interests.

    Woman with arms around man's neck and his arms around her waist at sunrise.
    Passionate – physical love – Intense, sexual, filled with lust. Thank you, Oziel-Gomez and Unsplash.com for letting me use this image.
  5. Eros Love – passionate, physical love – intense, sexual, and lust. This is the most like what people may think of as romantic love. When it lasts it becomes companion love with passionate devotion with intimacy, trust, commitment, and affection emphasis more than sex. Eros is not long-lasting unless it has other kinds of love to balance it.

    man twirling around with woman on his back - her hair is flowing.
    Ludus Love – Playful, flirtatious love. Thank you Freestocks and Unsplash.com for allowing me to use this image.
  6. Ludus Love – ludus means game. Playful flirtatious love is all about having fun, so think of whatever that means for you — flirting, dancing, teasing, seducing, all the jazz. Neel Burton, MD.in Psychology Today says that Ludus relationships are casual, undemanding, and uncomplicated, but, for all that, can be very long-lasting. Ludus relationships need no commitment. Ludus works best when both parties are mature and self-sufficient.

    Older man and woman sitting on a bench in the park laughing.
    Committed Long-Term Love – Pragma LoveThank you, Logan Weaver and Unsplash for allowing me to use this image.
  7. Pragma Love – committed, long-lasting Love. What couples who have been married for many years usually have. They have figured out how to make compromises and to continue loving and forgiving and creating new visions for themselves together when changes cause them to have to make decisions that affect both of them. It lasts through drastic changes in health, finances, distance, and other things that could imbalance a relationship, but together they figure it out and keep things in loving balance.

    man with curly hair crying in bed beside his wife
    Mania Love – Obsessive Love – Unhealthy relationship Thank you, Claudia Wolff and Unsplash for allowing me to use this image.
  8. Toxic Obsessive Love – unhealthy, sometimes codependent relationships.  You focus on your partner’s happiness. You give too much control to the one you say you love at your own expense. You are unable to set limits and take time for yourself.  Lots of drama. Your partner may think of you as a possession or an object instead of as an individual person with your own needs. According to relationship therapist Jor-El Caraballo, in a toxic relationship, you might consistently feel drained or unhappy after spending time with your partner, which can suggest that some things need to change.  Sometimes, therapy can help a couple figure out how to change to work things out; other times, it may be best to dissolve the relationship and let each other go separate ways.

Resources:

  1. “3 A’s for a Happier Relationship:” https://www.bridgecounseling.net/blog/2022/4/8/3-as-for-a-happier-relationship 
  2. Aleteia.org. “Are You Taking Cafe of the 3 Crucial Ingredients in Your Relationship?” https://aleteia.org/2018/07/02/are-you-taking-care-of-the-3-crucial-ingredients-in-your-relationship/
  3. Better Help.com. “What Is Compassionate Love?” https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/what-is-compassionate-love/
  4. “The 8 Different Types of Love + the Perfect Combo for You:”  https://www.ftd.com/blog/types-of-love
  5. A. Palowski. Today.com. “How Long Does Passion Last: Four Stages of Love:” https://www.today.com/health/how-long-does-passion-last-four-stages-love-t108471
  6. Barbara Field.  “The Importance of Family Love.: How to Create It and Sustain It:”  https://www.verywellmind.com/family-love-how-to-create-it-and-sustain-it-5193643
  7. Elizabeth Rider. “7 Types of Love and What They Mean:”  https://www.elizabethrider.com/7-types-of-love-and-what-they-mean/
  8. “Is Your Relationship Toxic? What to Look For:” https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-relationship 
  9. J. A. Lee. “Six Types of Love: ” https://www.psywww.com/intropsych/ch16-sfl/six-types-of-love.html
  10. Jeffrey Borenstein, M.D. Brain and Behavior Research Foundation. BBRFoundation.org.”Self Love and What It Means: “https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means 
  11. Jessica Estrada.  “What Is True Love? Experts Explain What It looks and feels like:” https://www.dailyom.com/journal/what-is-true-love-experts-explain-what-it-looks-and-feels-like/?
  12. Joan Y. Edwards. “What Signals Someone Loves You; What Means You Love Someone:” https://www.joanyedwards.com/what-signals-someone-loves-you-what-means-you-love-someone
  13. Joan Y, Edwards. “God Filks You, YourFamily, and Friends with His Love:” https://joanyedwards.com/god-fills-you-and-surrounds-you-your-family-and-friends-with-his-love/
  14. Learn Religions. “Types of Love in the Bible:” https://www.learnreligions.com/types-of-love-in-the-bible-70017
  15. Live, Life, Made to Order. “Law of Attraction: I Know My Blocks But How Do I Get Rid of Them?  https://www.livelifemadetoorder.com/blog/law-of-attraction-blocks/
  16. Living Proof.co. “May the Love of God Surround You:” https://livingproof.co/may-the-love-of-god-surround-you/
  17. “Love Styles in Couple Relationships: A Literature Review:” https://www.scirp.org/journal/paperinformation.aspx?paperid=89616
  18. Mind, Body, Green. “The 8 Types Of Love + How To Know Which One You’re Feeling:” https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/types-of-love
  19. Mind, Body, Green. “What Does Love Feel Like:” https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-does-love-feel-like
  20. Neel Burton, M.D. “These Are the 7 Types of Love:” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201606/these-are-the-7-types-love
  21. News Yahoo. “How to Tell someone You Have Feelings for Them:” https://news.yahoo.com/tell-someone-feelings-them-151631007.html
  22. Paula Fellingham. Uplift Families. “Family Commitment & Unconditional Love”  https://www.upliftfamilies.org/family_commitment_unconditional_love
  23. Readunwritten. “Every New Relationship Needs a 3-Day Rule:” https://www.readunwritten.com/2016/11/18/every-new-relationship-needs-3-day-rule/
  24. Relationship Institute. “Differences Between Men and Women:” https://relationship-institute.com/differences-between-men-and-women/
  25. Robert Enright, Ph.D.” The 5 Love Categories: Do You Really Know What Love Is?” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-forgiving-life/202108/the-5-love-categories-do-you-really-know-what-love-is
  26. “Signs of a Toxic Relationship:”  https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/”Time Blocking:” https://todoist.com/productivity-methods/time-blocking
  27. “What Is Agape Love and How to Express It:” https://www.marriage.com/advice/love/agape-love/#Is_agape_unconditional_love
  28. Wikihow. “Do Guys Care about Their FWB Friends with Benefits:” https://www.wikihow.com/Do-Guys-Care-About-Their-Fwb  friends with benefits

Thank you for reading my blog.  Please share about someone who touched your heart, strengthened your mind, and/or  encouraged your spirit by the way they showed their love for you. This can be a stranger, a family member, a friend, or other person.

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Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author
Copyright © 2009-2023 Joan Y. Edwards

 Flip Flap Floodle Firebird Book Award Winner Will this little duck’s song save him from Mr. Fox?
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Health, Spiritual

What Signals Someone Loves You? What Means You Love Someone?

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woman leaning on man looking over town
Thank you Nathan Dumlao and Unsplash for allowing me to use this image.
“What Signals Someone Loves You?  What Means You Love Someone?” by Joan Y. Edwards
I have seen many articles about what signals that someone loves you. Today I want to ask you not only that question, but out of all the possible ways there are to show someone you love them, which ones are you most comfortable giving to others. These actions may be different from how you perceive others love you.
In his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, first published in 1992 Gary Chapman talks about what you expect and need in a relationship. There are two other sources that list ways to show people you love them that I include: Truity Research and Individual Differences Research Labs.

Strong verbal communication skills creates a better chance for all relationships to work. There are other signals that help relationships work. That is being able to give each other what you need to feel loved. 

I know when people spend quality time with me, it touches my heart. It is a primary signal to me that means someone loves me.

If I spend time with someone, that may not be a signal to them that I love them. That person may need one of these other signals to know that I love them. 

Guess which things signal your significant other that you love them. It may be interesting to have a conversation with your significant other to discuss this and see if you were right. It’s good to get your signals straight. If you can’t give your partner what means to him or her that you love them, it may create problems for your relationship. They might not understand that you love them.

Funny story. After my first marriage ended, I had been dating  “Sam” for about six months or more. One Sunday night, we were eating dinner together at my house. I said, “I found a neat relationship tape by Gary Chapman. I thought it would be good to watch it together.” 

Count to 10. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. “Sam” got up and said, “I have to go.” He never called me again.   

Which actions mean someone loves you? Which ones come naturally for you to share? You may do it without even thinking about it.
  1. Give words of affirmation.
  2. Spend quality time with them.
  3. Physical touch.
  4. Do acts of service for them
  5. Give them gifts.
The 7 Love Styles test measures your preferences in regards to the seven modern love styles based on Truity’s research. Notice some are similar to Gary Chapman’s love languages. Here’s the breakdown:
1. Activity – Quality time enjoying activities together and expressing genuine interest in their work, hobbies, and life outside of the relationship.
2. Appreciation – feel special and valued when their partner gives them praise and compliments. Words are more important than deeds for this type. They want to feel that their partner is paying attention to their personal qualities and the little triumphs of their lives, and is grateful and appreciative of them.
3. Emotional – feel loved when their partner is able to connect with them and support them through tough, emotionally challenging and vulnerable times. Reminds me of saying: Be there when I need you.
4. Financial – desire for a partner who is generous and willing to use their financial resources in a variety of ways to help and delight them.
5. Intellectual  – Spend time to connect through the mind and values their intelligence, respects their opinion, and takes part in thoughtful discussion of important issues.
6. Physical – feel loved and cared for when they are being touched and held by their partner; they love the sensate experience of physical intimacy. This is not just a code word for sex. Rather, it includes everything from erotic touch to hugs, hand-holding, foot rubs, snuggles and quick morning kisses.
7. Practical  – feel special and valued when their partner takes care of the chores, pitches in with the household, and offers practical, everyday help to lighten the load about going “above and beyond” with practical help, and doing things that are unexpected and specifically for the benefit of your partner.
And I even found a third set of parameters for determining love signals that people give and receive as love.
The Individual Differences Research Labs (IDR) love styles:
1. Focus  – give you their undivided attention.
2. Gifts Love Style – cherish the effort and creativity put into the presents which are being given to and by them. They see gifts as important symbols of love and affection.
3. Acts – enjoy it when you do something helpful for them or work with them to complete something difficult or energy draining for them. “Actions speak louder than words.”
4. Touch – cherish being hugged, touched, and physically close to the people they are comfortable with.
Resources include tests to help you find out your love language.
  1. The Cut.  “What Is Your Love Language?” https://www.thecut.com/article/love-languages.html
  2. Health Magazine. “What is Your Love Language:” https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a33297780/what-are-the-five-love-languages/
  3. Individual Differences Research Labs. “Love Styles Test:” https://www.idrlabs.com/love-styles/test.php
  4. The New York Times. “What Is Your Love Style?” https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/well/family/love-style-relationship-quiz.html
  5. Truity. “7 Love Styles Test: “https://www.truity.com/test/love-styles-test?
Thank you for reading my blog. I hope that if it helps you, you will share it with others. Please leave a comment and let me know which love signal is the primary one that means someone loves you.
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Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author
Copyright © 2009-2023 Joan Y. Edwards

Flip Flap Floodle Firebird Book Award Winner Will this little duck’s song save him from Mr. Fox? Buy at Amazon. Barnes and Noble.

Joan’s Elder Care Guide Practical ways to help you and your elder survive.