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Health, Spiritual

Powerful Emotion Sorter and Handler

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list of emotions
“Powerful Emotion Sorter and Handler“ by Joan Y. Edwards
Your body, mind, and spirit has a powerful emotion sorter and handler inside you. It says I want to feel your emotions. The happy ones and the sad ones. As a human being, you have 6,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day. You want your thoughts to be helpful to you and keep you living healthy and happy. Many of your thoughts are about your negative feelings, thoughts about yourself, thoughts about others. If you are like me, you want to promote the well-being of yourself and those you love. If possible, you want to change some of those really strong negative emotions into a more positive one.

The goal isn’t to find someone to blame for your feelings. The goal is to understand what happened, what you need, and what choices you have right now.

Feelings

Feeling sad? angry? hurt? disappointed? jealous? frustrated? scared? Feel them. Say: I feel mad. I feel overwhelmed. whatever the feeling is inside you. Say it. Say it’s okay to feel this way. Pause before reacting. Is this a situation you have to accept or is there something you can do to change it. Then look for another way forward.

Name the Feelings

Name the feelings. Accept them without judgment. Explore them. Say to yourself, “Many people feel this way. It is natural to feel this way. My feelings are valid. It is okay to feel this way.”

Acknowledge that your feelings are real and valid. You don’t have to justify or defend your feelings. They are normal. You are human. Everyone has feelings.

I can accept this feeling without judging myself for having it.
I give myself permission to feel what I feel.
This feeling is really intense right now, but feelings change and pass with time.

Breathe a fresh breath in. Breathe out the tension.
Breathe in acceptance. Breathe out anger and frustration.
Breathe in calm. Breathe in peace.

Locate the feelings in your body   

Locate the feeling in your body. Try to let this feeling exist wherever it wants to. Try not to resist the feeling.

Get up and move. If you are standing, walk. If you are seated, stand. If you are walking, stop and look at a flower or something you are thankful for. Sing a song. Do a little dance.

You feelings give you invaluable treasures of information

Your feelings give you invaluable treasures of information. Your feelings come from a mixture of body signals, past memories, and brain thoughts. Emotions start when something in your environment or your social situation triggers a response in your brain. Your emotions come from an interplay of early experiences, personal history, and environmental influences.

Your mind checks what the trigger means, and your brain names the emotion. Your heart beats fast or your tummy hurts. Your shoulders ache or your feet hurt. Your body sends special juices like adrenaline or serotonin to your brain. Your brain compares what happened this time to what has happened in the past. A feeling may have come from remembering different events from the past. It could be a fear of an event repeating itself. Your feelings may be coming from more than one memory. It may stem from a similar past experience where you felt betrayed, left out, discounted, or abandoned.

Love yourself. Be curious.

Curiosity opens doors of enlightenment and Information for you and about yourself and others

Curiosity opens doors:  What happened? Why am I feeling this way? Where is it coming from? What caused it? What did this particular situation mean inside your mind? What have you decided this event means about you? What emotions are you feeling? What conclusion are you jumping to? What are you saying this means about you? Who is the villain? Who is the hero?

Look for better ways to think about an event from your past, present, or worrying about the future

What is your interpretation of what someone said to you? What did their words or actions mean that they think of you.

What someone else thinks about you does not make it true.

What have you decided this event means about you? What emotional need do you think might be underneath this feeling?

Ten Common Unmet Emotional Needs

Here are ten common unmet emotional needs include validation, affection, and emotional safety, as well as acceptance, attention, empathy, appreciation, autonomy, a sense of belonging, and consistency.

Could there be another explanation?Could there be a grandfather affect going on. Could it be that something similar has happened numerous times in your life.

Check the facts.

Check the facts. What caused you to feel this way in this particular situation? What is your belief? Curiosity, asking questions and thinking in possibilities opens doors and offers a change in your perspective, a chance for a more positive emotion, a clearer perception of a healthier response than the one from your past. A way to realize you don’t have any control over what others think about you. You are not responsible for anyone else’s emotions. What others believe about you cannot affect you unless you believe it is true, unless you give what others say or do that power over you.

Although you do not have control over others, you do have a little control about what you believe and think about yourself. Finding a better way to look at yourself and the situation, will lead you to a better chance at inner peace. Inner peace leads to joy, happiness, and smiles on the outside and the inside! Saying and believing good things about yourself – saying affirmations about you will help you change your negative beliefs about yourself.

Food for thought.

Your thoughts and interpretations of situations significantly shape your emotional experiences. For instance, how you perceive an event can lead to different emotional responses. You may know what you feel but you may be mistaken about why you feel that way. What else might be contributing to this feeling besides what came to your mind at first.

When you have an unmet need, It does not mean you have done something wrong or that you are unworthy of receiving it.

Your goal is to understand what happened, what you need, and what choices you have right now to feel better about your situation. Your goal isn’t to feel guilty, blame, or shame. When you or someone else feels guilty, blame, or shame you may shut down freeze, withdraw, and avoid doing anything. for fear of making things worse.

What you are feeling might might also be connected to:

an unmet need
what you hoped would happen
a memory
a belief
a series of recent events
simply being tired and worn down
overwhelmed by too many emotions all at the same time

What choices of action do you have now?

What choices of action do you have now? What action will you choose to take? Asking yourself and others questions opens up the possibility to realize that there is more than one way to feel better. There is more than one way to look at a situation.

Why did you say that?
What did you mean by that?

Would you do consider doing it this way next time?
What would make you feel better now? How could you make this better in the future?

Do your best to give caring responses to yourself and others. The pain of many negative emotions is extremely strong. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself and with others.

Curiosity opens doors:  What happened? Why am I feeling this way? Where dis it coming from? What caused it?

I can understand why you would feel that way.

That sounds like it would hurt.

What do I need? How can I meet that need without hurting myself or someone else?

What choices do you have now?

What you choose to do because of a feeling we are experiencing is a separate question. In conversations and situations, decisions might prove better if they lean to the one in the most pain.

If you are in immense pain, it is imperative that you try to help yourself get out of that funk. Accept that you are in a lot of emotional pain. Do a chore. Wash dishes. Do laundry. Check the mail. Write a letter. Look at old pictures. Do something that is fun for you. Stretch your arms. Touch your toes. Breathe in and out. Look for a way to feel better. Pray.

That doesn’t mean that everyone might not feel perfect about it. But if you have a choice, and you are able to give compassion. Lean towards kindness to the person who is hurting the most. Perhaps it is you. Perhaps it is someone you love. Make sure when you do something  good for them, Do something good for yourself, too. What goes around comes around!

God said, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”
Forgive yourself and others  70 times 7 times.

Enjoy using the powerful emotion sorter and handler within you. It is a gift.

Thank you for reading this. I have used these ideas to help me. I did not create them. I discovered them as I have gone along my life’s path. I used YouTube videos and information from different websites at the time I was searching for answers. Too numerous to name. Ideas come to you and me from sources known and sources unknown, sent to us as inspiration from God and his people. I wrote it to help you and me find our way to healthier emotions and inner peace. I sincerely hope it may help you. If you think it might help someone you know, please share this article with them.
Please leave a comment. Share your story. I really enjoy hearing from you.

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Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author
Copyright 2009-2026

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Writing

Plots Need Believable Consequences

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“Plots Need Believable Consequences” by Joan Y. Edwards

A great plot in your fiction novel must have believable consequences in the world you create for it. Otherwise, your story falls off the deep end. Even though you may know that your story needs believable consequences, you may not have noticed they weren’t as believable as you thought.

Sometimes, if you’re like me, you create unbelievable consequences and happenings for your characters. You need a gauge that lights up and goes “BEEP BEEP BEEP” when you put a character in a far-fetched situation or consequence.  If you don’t have one of these gauges and can’t find one in your local bookstore, how do you keep the events in the flow of your story natural, believable, and true to character? Perhaps a look at what is the difference between natural consequences, logical consequences, and unrelated man-made consequences that are neither natural or logical will help you:

  1. Does what happens to your character as a natural consequence for his chosen actions?
  2. Is what happens to your character as a result of his action a logical consequence set up by another person…the consequences for breaking a law of an antagonist, bully, family, parent, teacher, organization, church, county, city, country, or society? (who makes up their own rules and consequences)
  3. Is the consequence or result of his action neither natural or logical but a man-made punishment unrelated to crime decreed by a bully, family, parent, teacher, organization, church, county, city, country, or society (who makes up their own rules and consequences)?

In an article “Natural and Logical Consequences” on Kansas University.edu website it states that D.B. Pryor and T.R. Tollerud say that that natural consequences are outcomes that are not planned or controlled but happen as a result of behavior.  (Pryor, D.B. & Tollerud, T.R. (1999). Applications of Adlerian Principles in School Settings. Professional School Counseling, 24, 299-304.)

Jerry Webster in his About.com article, “Consequences, Not Punishment,” says that a natural consequences can be dangerous, for instance, when you play with fire you are going to get burned.

Logical consequences teach a lesson because they relate to the behavior. If a three-year old rides his bike in the street, the parents take the bike away for three days. If you do not do your work and a boss fires you, it’s a logical consequence.

Dr. Laura Markham says that punishment is imposing something painful (physically or emotionally) on a child in the hopes that he will behave as we’d like in the future to avoid more punishment. If our child hits and we respond by spanking, sending him to his room, or rescinding his screen privileges, that’s a parent-imposed consequence, otherwise known as a punishment. It may or may not be a logical consequence.

According to Robert K. Merton, purposeful action can have unintended, unanticipated, unforeseen consequences both positive and negative:

  • A positive, unexpected benefit which is sometimes called luck, serendipity, or windfall.
  • A negative, unexpected detriment that occurs in addition to the desired effect of the policy.
  • A perverse or ironic effect that is the opposite or contrary to what the character intended and/or expected. For instance, instead of making it better, it makes the problem worse. Or instead of making it worse and stopping someone, it makes their path easier.

When you use unintended, unanticipated, and/or unforeseen positive and negative consequences for a character’s actions, it adds pizzazz to your manuscripts. It puts unexpected twists and turns of the plot in your stories that heighten the interest of readers.

What is literary irony? Oatmeal.com and LeastTern.com say there are three types of irony:

  1. Situational Irony- when the reverse of the expected happens or when the person you least expect to do something, does it – such as: It is ironic that Cinderella gets the prince.
  2. Dramatic irony happens when the person watching the movie or the reader of a story is aware of a situation, but a character does not realize it.  In Romeo and Juliet the reader knows that Juliet isn’t really dead, but Romeo doesn’t know it. Dramatic irony can be a source of tragedy, comedy, or tension.
  3. Verbal Irony (Language Irony) happens when a person says one thing but means another…the opposite of the truth. For instance, after his wife went on a griping kick, the husband says, “My but you’re in a good mood.”

I hope that studying these different views of natural, logical, consequences and punishment which may be logical or decreed as an aim for control you may be able to put your consequences into a category or figure out a better consequence for the action your particular character takes and what happens to him as a result. Add a dose of irony to put a little layer of oomph in your story.

7 Questions to Make Sure Your Plot Has Believable Consequences:

  1. What would happen to me if I took this action?
  2. Would the consequences be different if I did this somewhere else – in a different environment?
  3. Are there unwritten, unspoken, unknown rules and consequences? Are they natural, logical, or neither?
  4. Does your story show natural consequences for your character’s actions?
  5. Does your story show logical consequences for your character’s actions? Decided by: Self, Bully, Parent, Teacher, School, Church, State, Country, Society
  6. Punishment, neither natural or logical? Decided by: Self, Bully, Parent, Teacher, School, Church, State, Country, Society?
  7. What result or consequence do you or others expect for the character’s action? Does this happen or does something different and unexpected happen as a result of a character’s actions? Is it situational irony, dramatic irony, or verbal irony?

Resources:

  1. Jerry Webster. About.com. Special Education. “Consequences, Not Punishment:” http://specialed.about.com/od/managementstrategies/a/Consequences-Not-Punishment.htm
  2. Sara Bean, M.Ed. “Five Areas to Let Your Child Face Natural Consequences:” http://www.empoweringparents.com/5-areas-to-let-your-child-face-natural-consequences.php#
  3. University of Kansas.edu. “Natural and Logical Consequences.” http://www.specialconnections.ku.edu/?q=behavior_plans/classroom_and_group_support/teacher_tools/natural_and_logical_consequences
  4. Least Tern.com. “Literary Terms: Irony of Situation, Dramatic Irony, Irony of Language:” http://www.leasttern.com/LitTerms/literary_terms.htm
  5. The Oatmeal.com. “3 Kinds of Irony:” http://theoatmeal.com/comics/irony
  6. Robert K. Merton. American Sociological Review:“The Unanticipated Consequences of Purposive Social Action:”
  7. Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irony
  8. Laura Markham, Phd. “What’s Wrong with Consequences to Teach Children Lessons?” http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Consequences_Punishment

I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. Good luck with the publication of your books! Please leave a comment. Thank you.

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Copyright © 2014-2019 Joan Y. Edwards
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Writing

Story Essential: Plot

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Dear Writers:
I’ve been studying about plot. Wikipedia.org says plot is action and reaction of main character made up of scenes and sequels – scene action – reactions, with emotional response and regrouping of ideas to win.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fiction

There is a diagram that talks about you start out with a status quo – an ever so ordinary day. A day when your character is happy. Something happens that a your main character can’t ignore. It affects his/her life more than he even wants to think about. It’s his/her worst nightmare. He’s been saying in his mind: What will I do if such and such happens? And the day it actually happens. Then the plot tells how the character acts and reacts until he solves this problem and turns his life back to its ordinary flavor or empowers himself to be different and liking it. He’s happy once again. End of whole plot.

Here’s a plot diagram with more of Straight Line Slanted line Plot Diagram from Teacher Files.com
http://www.teacherfiles.com/downloads/graphic_organizers/Plot_Graph.pdf

A story plot has a beginning, middle, and an end.
At the beginning of the story, everything is normal for the main character. It’s a level plane…flat land for him – represented on the diagrams as a horizontal line. Without a plot you have no story. Without a problem you have no story. Goals and complications in getting what the main character wants makes a good story. Here is more information about the five parts of a plot.

1. Exposition(Beginning)
(Only Background information reader needs to understand)
Character
Setting

Highlight the backstory in your own manuscript. If it’s all in one place, spread it out. Only put in your story what you need at a particular time. Many times you, as the author, might need to write something so you know it in your first draft. However, when you read it over, if the reader doesn’t need to know your character failed a math test in third grade at the beginning of the story, take it out and put it in just before he’s about to take a math test to show he’s scared of it for this reason.

2. Rising Action Obstacles which the main character has to overcome that leads to the climax. Not the middle of the story. Climax is the middle of the story.
a. Main Problem (Conflict)
http://www.readwritethink.org/files/resources/lesson_images/lesson800/IdentifyPlot.pdf

b. Inner and Outer Conflicts
http://nienkehinton.blogspot.com/2007/01/inner-conflict.html

c. Brian Godawa’s Plotting Details on Story structure: http://www.cmfnow.com/articles/screenwriter.pdf

Goal
Plan
Flaw
Apparent Defeat
Final Confrontation
Self Revelation
Resolution

d. Character ID Badge Information about your characters you need to know
http://www.teacherfiles.com/downloads/graphic_organizers/Character%20ID.pdf

3. Climax (Middle) (ROCK BOTTOM for Main Character. FACE PROBLEM SQUARE In the FACE, (Most exciting part of the story) The middle of the story. The highest point in the story. The moment of greatest intensity. It brings events to a head and leads to the conclusion

a. Storymap from freeology.com Gives good definition of Climax. Explains the climax. The climax is the moment before we know the answers to the questions the conflict has created. It is the peak of suspense.
http://freeology.com/graphicorgs/pdf/storymap.pdf

4. Suspense – Falling Action, The protagonist wins or loses
Uncertainty and interest about the outcomes of certain actions. Real danger looming and a ray of hope
Arouses interest of the reader This shows change to the characters affected by the solution to the main problem. What happens to the main character after overcoming all obstacles Or failing to get the desire effect. Show what happens to the good guys and the bad guys. These things happen after the climax.. Things begin to fall back into place to be normal again.

Falling Action:
Denouement:

5. Resolution (End) – The outcome of a complex set of events Information to help reader to understand clearly what happened to take care of this challenge. …tie up all loose ends with all characters and subplots, too.

Resources to help you plot your story:

Literary Terms

Epiphany – What is the inner self-realization key change in the character? Spiritual understanding. It may come before the climax or after the climax of the story.
http://www.darcypattison.com/characters/character-arc-epiphanies/

Plot and Character Graphic Organizers

Graphic Organizer PDF files listed separately.http://www.teacherfiles.com/resources_organizers.htm

PDF files Character, Plot, You have to search through each page to see what’s there.
http://freeology.com/graphicorgs/index.php

Carol Baldwin’s book, “Teaching the Story: Fiction Writing in Grades 4-8” also has graphic organizers in it and a CD packed with good writing process explanations: https://www.amazon.com/Teaching-Story-Fiction-Writing-Grades/dp/1934338354

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