“What Kinds of Love Make Your World Go Round” by Joan Y. Edwards

Love is a strong emotion. Robert Enright, Ph.D. believes that most love centers around 3 categories: mutuality, pleasantness, and low conflict. Love involves a combination of the following ingredients: kindness, consideration, empathy, care, devotion, admiration, trust, commitment, and affection. It also comes from closeness, protectiveness, attraction. For couples, it may contain, passion, intimacy-sex, along with commitment and trust, closeness, and affection. Love makes you feel secure in your relationships. Many believe that love cannot exist unless compassion is present – compassion is a combination of kindness, consideration, empathy and care.

There are many kinds of love.  All love comes from God. Each of us has a love tank. It is filled with love from known and unknown sources. There are 8 kinds of love that make your world and mine go round.  It takes a lot of love from many sources to keep us healthy in body, mind, and spirit.

1.   Agape Love – selfless universal love – Love of the world, nature, and all the people in it. I think of this as the love for strangers like the Good Samaritan or people who give to various charities to help other people. It also includes firemen, policemen, doctors, nurses, and other health assistants. This includes God’s love for us and our love of God. The Bible tells you to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Psychology today says that Agape love means loving someone and caring for them physically, even when it is inconvenient or even painful for you to do so. Loving God helps us to learn how to love others and how to receive love from others. Your body, mind, and spirit absorbs God’s love for you even when you don’t feel love coming from someone else. The apostle John writes, “God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him” (1John 4:16).

2. 

   Philautia Love –  Love of Self. Good Self-Esteem. Feel good ab out your body, mind, and spirit. If you don’t love yourself, you may find it difficult to love another person. Jesus said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”  Even if you love and take care of others all the time, it is equally important and healing to love and take care of yourself, first. If you haven’t taken care of your needs, it may be difficult to share things with others. Self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional and mental well-being first. Self-love motivates you to make healthy choices in life. It is not healthy to focus all your love on yourself nor is it healthy to focus all your love on other people.

   

3. Storge Love – Unconditional Love of parents for their children; the affectionate bond that develops naturally between parents and children. You may disagree with their actions or their beliefs, but you love them anyway. You give them boundaries and help them grow in taking care of themselves so that they will survive without you. You give them unconditional love without expecting anything in return. Barbara Field says that a family’s love psychologically grounds you and provides a framework for future relationships. It enables you to form secure attachments. Securely attached children feel safe and cared for.

   

4. Philial Love – show love, respect, and support for parents, siblings, and close friends, male and female. These relationships are built on loyalty and trust, accepting love of good friendship. It’s great when the love is unconditional but sometimes friends may come and go depending upon whether you meet their needs or they meet yours. Being friends means you accept them even if they disagree with you. Being friends doesn’t mean you have to have the same beliefs and habits, but usually you have a core of the same values and interests.

   

5. Eros Love – passionate, physical love – intense, sexual, and lust. This is the most like what people may think of as romantic love. When it lasts it becomes companion love with passionate devotion with intimacy, trust, commitment, and affection emphasis more than sex. Eros is not long-lasting unless it has other kinds of love to balance it.

   

6. Ludus Love – ludus means game. Playful flirtatious love is all about having fun, so think of whatever that means for you — flirting, dancing, teasing, seducing, all the jazz. Neel Burton, MD.in Psychology Today says that Ludus relationships are casual, undemanding, and uncomplicated, but, for all that, can be very long-lasting. Ludus relationships need no commitment. Ludus works best when both parties are mature and self-sufficient.

   

7. Pragma Love – committed, long-lasting Love. What couples who have been married for many years usually have. They have figured out how to make compromises and to continue loving and forgiving and creating new visions for themselves together when changes cause them to have to make decisions that affect both of them. It lasts through drastic changes in health, finances, distance, and other things that could imbalance a relationship, but together they figure it out and keep things in loving balance.

   

8. Toxic Obsessive Love – unhealthy, sometimes codependent relationships.  You focus on your partner’s happiness. You give too much control to the one you say you love at your own expense. You are unable to set limits and take time for yourself.  Lots of drama. Your partner may think of you as a possession or an object instead of as an individual person with your own needs. According to relationship therapist Jor-El Caraballo, in a toxic relationship, you might consistently feel drained or unhappy after spending time with your partner, which can suggest that some things need to change.  Sometimes, therapy can help a couple figure out how to change to work things out; other times, it may be best to dissolve the relationship and let each other go separate ways.

Resources:

1. “3 A’s for a Happier Relationship:” https://www.bridgecounseling.net/blog/2022/4/8/3-as-for-a-happier-relationship 
2. Aleteia.org. “Are You Taking Cafe of the 3 Crucial Ingredients in Your Relationship?” https://aleteia.org/2018/07/02/are-you-taking-care-of-the-3-crucial-ingredients-in-your-relationship/
3. Better Help.com. “What Is Compassionate Love?” https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/what-is-compassionate-love/
4. “The 8 Different Types of Love + the Perfect Combo for You:”  https://www.ftd.com/blog/types-of-love
5. A. Palowski. Today.com. “How Long Does Passion Last: Four Stages of Love:” https://www.today.com/health/how-long-does-passion-last-four-stages-love-t108471
6. Barbara Field.  “The Importance of Family Love.: How to Create It and Sustain It:”  https://www.verywellmind.com/family-love-how-to-create-it-and-sustain-it-5193643
7. Elizabeth Rider. “7 Types of Love and What They Mean:”  https://www.elizabethrider.com/7-types-of-love-and-what-they-mean/
8. “Is Your Relationship Toxic? What to Look For:” https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-relationship 
9. J. A. Lee. “Six Types of Love: ” https://www.psywww.com/intropsych/ch16-sfl/six-types-of-love.html
10. Jeffrey Borenstein, M.D. Brain and Behavior Research Foundation. BBRFoundation.org.”Self Love and What It Means: “https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means 
11. Jessica Estrada.  “What Is True Love? Experts Explain What It looks and feels like:” https://www.dailyom.com/journal/what-is-true-love-experts-explain-what-it-looks-and-feels-like/?
12. Joan Y. Edwards. “What Signals Someone Loves You; What Means You Love Someone:” https://www.joanyedwards.com/what-signals-someone-loves-you-what-means-you-love-someone
13. Joan Y, Edwards. “God Filks You, YourFamily, and Friends with His Love:” https://joanyedwards.com/god-fills-you-and-surrounds-you-your-family-and-friends-with-his-love/
14. Learn Religions. “Types of Love in the Bible:” https://www.learnreligions.com/types-of-love-in-the-bible-70017
15. Live, Life, Made to Order. “Law of Attraction: I Know My Blocks But How Do I Get Rid of Them?  https://www.livelifemadetoorder.com/blog/law-of-attraction-blocks/
16. Living Proof.co. “May the Love of God Surround You:” https://livingproof.co/may-the-love-of-god-surround-you/
17. “Love Styles in Couple Relationships: A Literature Review:” https://www.scirp.org/journal/paperinformation.aspx?paperid=89616
18. Mind, Body, Green. “The 8 Types Of Love + How To Know Which One You’re Feeling:” https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/types-of-love
19. Mind, Body, Green. “What Does Love Feel Like:” https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-does-love-feel-like
20. Neel Burton, M.D. “These Are the 7 Types of Love:” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201606/these-are-the-7-types-love
21. News Yahoo. “How to Tell someone You Have Feelings for Them:” https://news.yahoo.com/tell-someone-feelings-them-151631007.html
22. Paula Fellingham. Uplift Families. “Family Commitment & Unconditional Love”  https://www.upliftfamilies.org/family_commitment_unconditional_love
23. Readunwritten. “Every New Relationship Needs a 3-Day Rule:” https://www.readunwritten.com/2016/11/18/every-new-relationship-needs-3-day-rule/
24. Relationship Institute. “Differences Between Men and Women:” https://relationship-institute.com/differences-between-men-and-women/
25. Robert Enright, Ph.D.” The 5 Love Categories: Do You Really Know What Love Is?” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-forgiving-life/202108/the-5-love-categories-do-you-really-know-what-love-is
26. “Signs of a Toxic Relationship:”  https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/”Time Blocking:” https://todoist.com/productivity-methods/time-blocking
27. “What Is Agape Love and How to Express It:” https://www.marriage.com/advice/love/agape-love/#Is_agape_unconditional_love
28. Wikihow. “Do Guys Care about Their FWB Friends with Benefits:” https://www.wikihow.com/Do-Guys-Care-About-Their-Fwb  friends with benefits

Thank you for reading my blog.  Please share about someone who touched your heart, strengthened your mind, and/or  encouraged your spirit by the way they showed their love for you. This can be a stranger, a family member, a friend, or other person.

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