Tag Archives: control

What to Do When You Feel Powerless

lady surrounded by stress
Thank you for this image, Gerd Altmann from Pixabay.

“What to Do When You Feel Powerless” by Joan Y. Edwards

A friend of mine and fellow author has been going to very rough times physically and mentally. To protect her identity, I’ll call her Mimi.

Mimi felt like her life was swinging out of her control. Her counselor suggested, “Do something  you truly enjoy and that you can feel in control of setting up.”

Mimi planned several zoom video interviews with students. She did the interviews and it took away a lot of stress and added warm  feelings to her heart and mind.

thank you for image Robin Higgins
Thank you to Robin Higgins and Pixabay for this image.

Mimi said her counselor was right. Doing those interviews helped her feel more relaxed because she viewed them as enjoyable and felt she had control over them.

Here are other things you can do that will help you feel more in control and reduce stress for you

  1. Pray. Ask God to help you.

  2. Do a chore that only takes 10 minutes to complete.
    a. Set the table.
    b. Take out the trash.
    c. Take out the recycling.
    d. Take a short walk around the house or inside the house.
    e.  Put on a load of clothes to wash.

  3. Call a friend who makes you happy.

  4. Watch your favorite movie. You know how it ends. No stress there.

  5. Fix your favorite meal.

  6. Visit a friend.

  7. Listen to your favorite song. Music is mood changing.

  8. Email someone and tell them how much they mean to you.

I hope these ideas help you. A special thanks to my friend, Mimi and her counselor  for sharing her lifegiving advice.

Please leave a comment. Tell us what helps you get out of a stressed, powerless feeling.

 

Resources:

Joan Y. Edwards. “Here Is a New Remote Control to Set Your Mood: https://www.joanyedwards.com/2012/05/07/here-is-a-new-remote-control-to-set-your-mood/

Joan Y. Edwards. “10 Paths to Inner Peace:” https://www.joanyedwards.com/2017/10/09/10-paths-to-inner-peace/

Do Something You Love and Have Control Over

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Joan Y. Edwards, Author
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10 Paths to Inner Peace

12 paths to inner peace
12 Paths to Inner Peace image  Copyright 2017 Joan Y. Edwards

“12 Paths to Inner Peace” by Joan Y. Edwards

The older I get, the more I realize that we human beings want control of ourselves and others. We want control of our environment. Guess what! It’s very tricky.

Inner peace is an absence of mental anxiety! Do you find it difficult to go with the flow? Do you find your inner peace stifled or trampled daily? Do you want to stop things from going the way they seem to be heading? Are you on a path to Crashville?

1. Pray to your creator and Trust in Him. He has a plan for you.

Pray to God and ask him for help. Tell him all of the things that are bothering you. Tell him every single thing that is bugging you and keeping your from being at peace.  Visit your church, synagogue, house of prayer, temple, mosque, etc. I find that when I go to church and pray that I feel a little closer to God.  However, I know that God is with me all the time. It helps me to emotionally be calmer to make a visit to the church.

2. Rest. Meditate. Say Positive Things Aloud and Silently.

Visualize images of beauty and calmness. Play music that calms you. Say good things about yourself. Take time to rest.
I am lovable. I am kind. What I do matters. What I hope for matters. My emotions are real; neither good nor bad; neither right nor wrong.

3. Accept Things as They Are.

What’s odd is that in order to change things, you first have to accept them as they are. For this reason, it’s good to go with the flow. If you’re in a tube going down the Tuckasegee River, I can tell you from personal experience that it’s easier to float downstream if you’re going with the flow.

If you’re walking down a busy sidewalk, it’s much easier to go with the flow – everyone walking on the right hand side. Otherwise, you end up weaving in and out of people and bumping the whole way.

Many times you may have difficulty accepting others as they are. You desperately want to change them.

Perhaps that’s why I became a teacher, hoping I could persuade children with problem behaviors to change. I thought that if they were educated with the pros and cons of different types of behaviors and their consequences they would choose healthier, more positive behaviors. But you see, you can’t change other people. Those other people have to change themselves.

It’s nice to have people agree with you every once in a while, it gives you a good feeling of belonging. However, it’s not good to give up your strong beliefs that you know are right to be in agreement with others.

Some people are power hungry…more money…more power. More power, more control over others.

4. Love Yourself and Others. Take time for you.

Peace is being happy with who you are and your circumstances, whatever they might be. I love to hear the scripture that says that God created each of us for a certain purpose. Without us, the world would not have something that it needs to survive.  The name we were given at birth is significant for us. God gave new names to people in the Bible when they came to an aha moment. 

5. Forgive Yourself and Others 

The greatest gift you can give yourself and other people in your life is your forgiveness. Each day you carry anger around, it makes a negative impact on your health. Lighten your load. Take steps to let someone you’ve been angry with for hours, days, months, or years off the hook. Realize that they are human, just like you. And that just like you, they are not perfect. If there has been anger on both sides of the fence, your releasing your anger and allowing them to be as they are, may give them the freedom to change, too.

6. Perform Three Simple Tasks

Make a list of things that need to be done for your home surroundings or for yourself. Then choose three activities and do them. It’s amazing how getting things done makes you feel empowered. You realize that you can control doing a few things. It also frees your mind to think of solutions. It frees your mind to think of other things.

7. Research to Find Alternative Beliefs and Solutions to the Problems at Hand

Look up information about your problem online, in books, or through talking with others. Sometimes through explaining the situation to another person, you come to the solution in your mind. 

8. Watch Funny Movies and Television Shows. Read Funny Books.

Laughter is healing. It releases endorphins that help you feel calmer on the inside. It releases the negative emotions: sad, mad, powerless feelings that seem to be stuck. Even fake laughs help loosen the grip these emotions have on you. Laughter is like oil for your car. It’s essential to keeping you going.

9. Walk. Exercise. Breathe.

Exercising the body releases endorphins that help you feel calmer on the inside, too. Walk inside your house or outside your house. Walk around the outside of your house. Ride an exercise bike. Walk to the corner and back. Walk around the outside of your house. 

10. Eat the Right Foods for You. Eat Healthy.

Eat. Drink plenty of water. Too many carbs, too much sugar, too much caffeine!  Look out for these and other foods that can put you in jeopardy. They can steal your joy.  Try to stay in the Goldilocks section. Not too much. Not too little. Just right.

11. Focus on What You Want

What you focus on is what you get. What you spend your time, thoughts, and spoken words on is what you’re going to get. Accept that the opposite could happen. Accept that the bad thing that you’re so afraid of could happen. But then also accept and focus on what you want to happen. Then take the necessary steps to start the ball rolling in that direction.

12. Meet with a friend. Call for Help. 

We need social connections to survive. Being with other people gives us endorphins, too. If you’re overwhelmed, call for help. Ask a friend. Join a support group. Ask for professional help if you need it. Everyone may need counseling at some time in their life. I went through counseling one time in my life. Everyone needs help once in a while. You don’t have to go through this alone. You’re not alone. Others care about you.  

Resources

  1. Daily Mind. “How to Go with the Flow:” http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/go-with-the-flow/
  2. Free Dictionary. “Definition of Peace: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/peace 
  3. Huffington Post. “10 Kind Things to Tell Yourself Every Day:”  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/10/kind-things-to-tell-yourself_n_4570376.html
  4. I am Fearless Soul. “5 Steps to Finding Peace within Yourself:” https://iamfearlesssoul.com/5-steps-to-finding-peace-within-yourself-and-how-to-keep-it/
  5. Learning Mind. “Effective Ways to Find Peace within Yourself:” https://www.learning-mind.com/effective-ways-to-find-peace-within-yourself/
  6. Mountain Crisis Services. “34 Things You Should Know about Yourself:”  http://www.mountaincrisisservices.org/domestic-violence/34-things-you-should-kno
  7. Operation Meditation. “5 Tips to Finding Peace within Yourself.” http://operationmeditation.com/discover/5-tips-to-finding-peace-within-yourself/
  8. Psychology Today. “Smashing the Brain Blocks: 4 Ways to Go with the Flow Even When It Seems Impossible.” https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/smashing-the-brainblocks/201606/4-ways-go-the-flow-even-when-it-seems-impossible
  9. Thesaurus. “Go with the Flow:” http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/go-with-the-flow
  10. Tiny Buddha. “8 Tips to Feel at Peace with Yourself.” https://tinybuddha.com/blog/8-tips-to-feel-at-peace-with-yourself/
  11. Wikihow. “Go with the Flow:” https://www.wikihow.com/Go-With-the-Flow
  12. Wikihow. “How to Release Endorphins:” https://www.wikihow.com/Release-Endorphins
  13. Your Life, Your Voice. “101 Positive Things to Say to Myself:” http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/Pages/tip-101-positive-things-to-say-to-myself.aspx
  14. Zen Habits. “12 Practical Steps for Learning to Go with the Flow:” https://zenhabits.net/12-practical-steps-for-learning-to-go-with-the-flow/

Live with Enthusiasm
Celebrate Each Step You Take

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Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author
Copyright © 2017-2018 Joan Y. Edwards
Flip Flap Floodle
Will this little duck’s song save him from Mr. Fox?
Joan’s Elder Care Guide
A guide to help caregivers and elders find solutions.
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Inner Motives Lead to Conflicts of Characters

“Inner Motives Lead to Conflicts of Characters”  by Joan Y. Edwards

Show the inner motives of why your character might  do things in your stories. What drives them to do what they do? What drives them to think as they think? What drives them to believe as they believe?

The motivations listed below are  ones that all human beings experience as outlined in the book The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin.

They might be motivated to do things because their goal is:
Control
Approval/acceptance/
Security
Survival
Separation-different-special-time alone
Oneness-united-bonded-togetherness

They might be motivated to do things because their fear is:
Slave/No Control/Out of control/Confusion/Disorder
Disapproval/failure
Insecurity
Death
Separation
Oneness

What they are afraid of will come to meet them. This is the conflict.
What they definitely don’t want…what they keep saying over and over again…no I don’t want that.  It’ll come. This is the conflict.
If they are negative, they’ll receive negative. This is the conflict
If they are positive, they’ll receive positive.  Finding their way out of these circumstances is their challenge.

Until they have an “ah hah” moment and change their way of thinking about it, their beliefs about it, they’ll continue to get the same kind of response, the same kind of outcome, the same results.

Thanks for reading my blog. Please leave a comment.

Do something good for you.
Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards