“What Signals Someone Loves You?  What Means You Love Someone?” by Joan Y. Edwards

I have seen many articles about what signals that someone loves you. Today I want to ask you not only that question, but out of all the possible ways there are to show someone you love them, which ones are you most comfortable giving to others. These actions may be different from how you perceive others love you.

In his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, first published in 1992 Gary Chapman talks about what you expect and need in a relationship. There are two other sources that list ways to show people you love them that I include: Truity Research and Individual Differences Research Labs.

Strong verbal communication skills creates a better chance for all relationships to work. There are other signals that help relationships work. That is being able to give each other what you need to feel loved. 

I know when people spend quality time with me, it touches my heart. It is a primary signal to me that means someone loves me.

If I spend time with someone, that may not be a signal to them that I love them. That person may need one of these other signals to know that I love them. 

Guess which things signal your significant other that you love them. It may be interesting to have a conversation with your significant other to discuss this and see if you were right. It’s good to get your signals straight. If you can’t give your partner what means to him or her that you love them, it may create problems for your relationship. They might not understand that you love them.

Funny story. After my first marriage ended, I had been dating  “Sam” for about six months or more. One Sunday night, we were eating dinner together at my house. I said, “I found a neat relationship tape by Gary Chapman. I thought it would be good to watch it together.” 

Count to 10. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. “Sam” got up and said, “I have to go.” He never called me again.   

Which actions mean someone loves you? Which ones come naturally for you to share? You may do it without even thinking about it.

1. Give words of affirmation.

2. Spend quality time with them.

3. Physical touch.

4. Do acts of service for them

5. Give them gifts.

The 7 Love Styles test measures your preferences in regards to the seven modern love styles based on Truity’s research. Notice some are similar to Gary Chapman’s love languages. Here’s the breakdown:

1. Activity – Quality time enjoying activities together and expressing genuine interest in their work, hobbies, and life outside of the relationship.

2. Appreciation – feel special and valued when their partner gives them praise and compliments. Words are more important than deeds for this type. They want to feel that their partner is paying attention to their personal qualities and the little triumphs of their lives, and is grateful and appreciative of them.

3. Emotional – feel loved when their partner is able to connect with them and support them through tough, emotionally challenging and vulnerable times. Reminds me of saying: Be there when I need you.

4. Financial – desire for a partner who is generous and willing to use their financial resources in a variety of ways to help and delight them.

5. Intellectual  – Spend time to connect through the mind and values their intelligence, respects their opinion, and takes part in thoughtful discussion of important issues.

6. Physical – feel loved and cared for when they are being touched and held by their partner; they love the sensate experience of physical intimacy. This is not just a code word for sex. Rather, it includes everything from erotic touch to hugs, hand-holding, foot rubs, snuggles and quick morning kisses.

7. Practical  – feel special and valued when their partner takes care of the chores, pitches in with the household, and offers practical, everyday help to lighten the load about going “above and beyond” with practical help, and doing things that are unexpected and specifically for the benefit of your partner.

And I even found a third set of parameters for determining love signals that people give and receive as love.

The Individual Differences Research Labs (IDR) love styles:
1. Focus  – give you their undivided attention.

2. Gifts Love Style – cherish the effort and creativity put into the presents which are being given to and by them. They see gifts as important symbols of love and affection.

3. Acts – enjoy it when you do something helpful for them or work with them to complete something difficult or energy draining for them. “Actions speak louder than words.”

4. Touch – cherish being hugged, touched, and physically close to the people they are comfortable with.

Resources include tests to help you find out your love language.

1. The Cut.  “What Is Your Love Language?” https://www.thecut.com/article/love-languages.html

2. Health Magazine. “What is Your Love Language:” https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a33297780/what-are-the-five-love-languages/
3. Individual Differences Research Labs. “Love Styles Test:” https://www.idrlabs.com/love-styles/test.php
4. The New York Times. “What Is Your Love Style?” https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/well/family/love-style-relationship-quiz.html
5. Truity. “7 Love Styles Test: “https://www.truity.com/test/love-styles-test?

Thank you for reading my blog. I hope that if it helps you, you will share it with others. Please leave a comment and let me know which love signal is the primary one that means someone loves you.

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