What Zaps Your Energy? Reclaim Your Power!

April 26, 2023 Joan Y Edwards 4 Comments

Breathe. It leads to peace. Man's picture by Arun Sharma & Unsplash — Thank you, Arun Sharma and Unsplash for allowing me to use this man’s image in my poster.

“What Zaps Your Energy? Reclaim Your Power” by Joan Y. Edwards

Stress zaps your energy. Stress can come from people, situations, thoughts, and fears. These things can put too many stressors on your body, mind, and spirit. They create unhealthy thoughts and feelings in you. Some of them seem uncontrollable…like your mind has gone zonkers in overdrive…so many feelings from sources known and also from sources unknown.

In these stress-filled times, you have to TAKE FIVE MINUTES…in a quiet place…take a walk in a quiet place…listen to calming music. Get a soft pillow or soft stuffed animal and put it in your lap (I have a Squishmallow butterfly Nixie, gift from my older daughter and her family…so very soft and cuddly. Squish the pillows in a store. Choose the one you love to hug. Imagine that pillow as a place where you can give your cares to God. By placing your hands on the pillow, you are dropping your unwanted stress into the pillow and giving it to God.

When I’m stressed, I love to get a hug from someone. Actually giving someone a hug, helps too. I think the comfort of a hug is powerful for both people in the hug. If I am very angry, I want to be an island by myself for awhile…until I cool down.

Stressful thoughts and Actions

Worrying about things you cannot change
Being afraid that certain things might happen
Fearful that things you want to happen won’t happen.
Trying to force something to happen.
Holding onto past hurts from people who are no longer in your life

Are you like me and give it to God with your right hand, and take it back to worry about with your left? Here is one of my favorite scriptures about peace:

Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Jesus told his disciples he was going to be gone, but he was leaving the Holy Spirit with them…with us. (Galatians 5:22). The peace of the Holy Spirit brings well-being, contentment, and wholeness, whatever the circumstances which is peace.

Ways to get more energy:

Spend time with your power source: Pray. Ask God for help. Read Bible Scriptures about being at peace.
Forgive yourself and others for unhealthy expectations and beliefs.
Realize that people cannot give you what they do not have. That was eye-opening for me when I realized I was expecting things from people I loved that they couldn’t give me even though they may have wanted to. Let me explain. If you go to a grocery store and they don’t have a new Toyota to sell you, it seems silly to be upset with them. There’s another phrase that explains…you can’t get blood from a turnip. We try that at times. Very stressful and unrewarding.

Set boundaries (Use that timer.) (Distance yourself from troublesome people or things for awhile.)

If someone is draining your energy, try to limit your time around them. That can be tricky if you are living in the same house. If that’s the case, you need to figure out why and how your energy is zapped. You have to own it. You can’t blame it on someone else.

For a long time, my husband Carl would come home from work. He would be so very angry. I tried to figure out why I got angry because he got angry. After much soul-searching, I remembered what my Mother said to me seemingly a million times, “When your father comes home, don’t make him angry.” Ah! All of a sudden I figured it out. I thought I was making Carl angry. He came home and dumped his anger on me and then he didn’t have to handle it. So that evening when Carl came home. He started ranting and raving about all the bad things that happened that day. I stood there in front of him and said, “Go ahead. Get angry. Stomp your feet. Scream and holler. Throw something.”

Carl looked at me and said, “I don’t want to do any of those things.”

I said, “It’s your anger. You have to decide what to do with it.”

I explained what I had figured out about what my Mother had told me as a child. Carl admitted that he was in fact dumping the anger on me. We talked about that moment when things were different. He knew he could tell me about his anger but he couldn’t expect me to figure it out for him and hold it for him. Carl always told me I could share any learning experiences we had because he thought perhaps it might help someone else.

NHS:UK says that whatever relaxes you will improve your energy.

Take a piece of paper and write down all the things you are worrying about.

Take a piece of paper and write down all the things you are thankful for.

Go to bed at a regular time every night. Get up at a regular time. Like when you first awaken after daylight in the morning. Have plans for fun things to do first thing in the morning and before you go to bed at night to keep you looking forward to the day. Remember “This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad it is.”

Watch a positive thinking video. Here are two I found very helpful.

Positive Revolution. “Lessons in Positive Thinking:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMre9L3K780

Motivation2Study. “The Power of Positivity:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwLK9dBQn0g

Drink more water.
Eat more protein; fewer high carbs. High carbs may drop your energy levels quickly. Proteins give you energy that lasts longer. (Snack on nuts, cheese, high protein drinks, less caffeine)
Take a walk around your house and through your neighborhood.
Get in the car and go to a park to find 3 things that make you smile.
Listen to music.
Read a good book.
Spend time with friends.
Eat breakfast, lunch, or supper with a friend.
Make a zoom or Facetime call to a friend. Seeing their face will make you smile.
Take a nap. Before taking it, make plans for what you will do for fun when you get up.
Make a list of 10 or more things that are fun for you.
Now do one of those 10 things.
If something stressed you out, ask God to enlighten you as to why it was stressful. Did you expect more of yourself than humanly possible?

Sometimes getting a small chore done that you’ve been putting off will fill you with unexpected joy.

Resources

Arise Counseling and Coaching. “10 Ways to Reclaim Your Energy and Your Life:” https://arisecounselingandcoaching.com/blog/10-ways-to-reclaim-your-energy-and-your-life/

Glitter Guide. “Ten Mood-Boosting Houseplants:”http://theglitterguide.com/2021/03/18/mood-boosting-plants/

Joan Y. Edwards. “Accountability Corner”
https://joanyedwards.com/accountability-corner/
Joan Y. Edwards. “Accountability Corner – Step 2 – Project Ideas:” https://joanyedwards.com/accountability-corner-step-2-project-ideas/

Joan Y. Edwards. “Accountability Corner – Step 3 – Your Weekly Project Plan:” https://joanyedwards.com/accountability-corner-step-3-your-weekly-project-plan/

Joan Y. Edwards. “Celebrate You:” https://joanyedwards.com/celebrate-you/

Joan Y. Edwards. “Don’t Tell God How Big Your Problem Is; Tell Your Problem How Big Your God Is (Author Unknown):” https://joanyedwards.com/dont-tell-god-how-big-your-problem-is-tell-your-problem-how-big-your-god-is-author-unknown/

Joan Y. Edwards. “Here Is a New Remote Control to Set Your Mood: https://www.joanyedwards.com/here-is-a-new-remote-control-to-set-your-mood/

Shaun Blakeney, Wallace Henley. “Energy Zappers: Dealing with People Who Drain Your Energy: https://www.amazon.com/Energy-Zappers-Dealing-People-Drain/dp/0801068010

Today Devotional. “The Holy Spirit and Peace:” https://todaydevotional.com/devotions/the-holy-spirit-and-peace

Valeo Training. “10 Energy-Zappers to Eliminate:” https://valeotraining.com/10-energy-zappers/

Thank you for visiting my website and reading this post. I hope you’ll leave a comment. Knowing you and others read my blog, makes me smile and encourages me to write more posts to share with you. If there’s a topic you’d like for me to study and write about, let me know. If you find my posts helpful, please share with your friends and family any you believe would be helpful to them. I appreciate all the people who have subscribe to my blog. Please subscribe to receive articles of inspiration, encouragement, and humor,

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Health, Spiritual

What Signals Someone Loves You? What Means You Love Someone?

April 22, 2023 Joan Y Edwards 8 Comments

woman leaning on man looking over town — Thank you Nathan Dumlao and Unsplash for allowing me to use this image.

“What Signals Someone Loves You? What Means You Love Someone?” by Joan Y. Edwards

I have seen many articles about what signals that someone loves you. Today I want to ask you not only that question, but out of all the possible ways there are to show someone you love them, which ones are you most comfortable giving to others. These actions may be different from how you perceive others love you.

In his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, first published in 1992 Gary Chapman talks about what you expect and need in a relationship. There are two other sources that list ways to show people you love them that I include: Truity Research and Individual Differences Research Labs.

Strong verbal communication skills creates a better chance for all relationships to work. There are other signals that help relationships work. That is being able to give each other what you need to feel loved.

I know when people spend quality time with me, it touches my heart. It is a primary signal to me that means someone loves me.

If I spend time with someone, that may not be a signal to them that I love them. That person may need one of these other signals to know that I love them.

Guess which things signal your significant other that you love them. It may be interesting to have a conversation with your significant other to discuss this and see if you were right. It’s good to get your signals straight. If you can’t give your partner what means to him or her that you love them, it may create problems for your relationship. They might not understand that you love them.

Funny story. After my first marriage ended, I had been dating “Sam” for about six months or more. One Sunday night, we were eating dinner together at my house. I said, “I found a neat relationship tape by Gary Chapman. I thought it would be good to watch it together.”

Count to 10. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. “Sam” got up and said, “I have to go.” He never called me again.

Which actions mean someone loves you? Which ones come naturally for you to share? You may do it without even thinking about it.

Give words of affirmation.
Spend quality time with them.
Physical touch.
Do acts of service for them
Give them gifts.

The 7 Love Styles test measures your preferences in regards to the seven modern love styles based on Truity’s research. Notice some are similar to Gary Chapman’s love languages. Here’s the breakdown:

1. Activity – Quality time enjoying activities together and expressing genuine interest in their work, hobbies, and life outside of the relationship.

2. Appreciation – feel special and valued when their partner gives them praise and compliments. Words are more important than deeds for this type. They want to feel that their partner is paying attention to their personal qualities and the little triumphs of their lives, and is grateful and appreciative of them.

3. Emotional – feel loved when their partner is able to connect with them and support them through tough, emotionally challenging and vulnerable times. Reminds me of saying: Be there when I need you.

4. Financial – desire for a partner who is generous and willing to use their financial resources in a variety of ways to help and delight them.

5. Intellectual – Spend time to connect through the mind and values their intelligence, respects their opinion, and takes part in thoughtful discussion of important issues.

6. Physical – feel loved and cared for when they are being touched and held by their partner; they love the sensate experience of physical intimacy. This is not just a code word for sex. Rather, it includes everything from erotic touch to hugs, hand-holding, foot rubs, snuggles and quick morning kisses.

7. Practical – feel special and valued when their partner takes care of the chores, pitches in with the household, and offers practical, everyday help to lighten the load about going “above and beyond” with practical help, and doing things that are unexpected and specifically for the benefit of your partner.

And I even found a third set of parameters for determining love signals that people give and receive as love.

The Individual Differences Research Labs (IDR) love styles:
1. Focus – give you their undivided attention.

2. Gifts Love Style – cherish the effort and creativity put into the presents which are being given to and by them. They see gifts as important symbols of love and affection.

3. Acts – enjoy it when you do something helpful for them or work with them to complete something difficult or energy draining for them. “Actions speak louder than words.”

4. Touch – cherish being hugged, touched, and physically close to the people they are comfortable with.

Resources include tests to help you find out your love language.

The Cut. “What Is Your Love Language?” https://www.thecut.com/article/love-languages.html
Health Magazine. “What is Your Love Language:” https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a33297780/what-are-the-five-love-languages/
Individual Differences Research Labs. “Love Styles Test:” https://www.idrlabs.com/love-styles/test.php
The New York Times. “What Is Your Love Style?” https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/well/family/love-style-relationship-quiz.html
Truity. “7 Love Styles Test: “https://www.truity.com/test/love-styles-test?

Thank you for reading my blog. I hope that if it helps you, you will share it with others. Please leave a comment and let me know which love signal is the primary one that means someone loves you.

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