“Mindreading 101: Perceptions, Guesses, and Assessing Blame” by Joan Y. Edwards
Have you graduated from life’s course: Mindreading 101?
- Am I jumping to conclusions without facts?
- Who or what am I blaming for this situation?
- What perceptions do I have? Are the accurate? Am I guessing or looking at the facts?
- Am I looking for facts and solutions?
Life is complicated. Your body, mind, and spirit have intricate parts that influence healthy living, a healthy self-image.Have you noticed when you are afraid to ask questions of those you love? Or to ask a question when you are at the doctor’s office or a lawyer’s office or your parents.
When accompanying someone in the doctor’s office, let the patient ask questions and tell things as long as he/she is able.
When dementia set in for Mother, and I had to be the one asking questions on her behalf. It seemed like so many questions were bubbling around inside me, but I wasn’t able to get them to come up and out of my mouth.
I would get home and say, “I didn’t ask the questions.” Next time, I wrote down the questions that came to mind. I even called and asked the doctor on the phone, or email through an online portal.
Somewhere from my past, there was this little voice telling me:
“Don’t ask questions. Children are to be seen and not heard.”
However, I wasn’t a child any more. Yet many moons later those rules still had an impact on me. I needed a pep talk. I needed to say, “It is okay to ask questions. It is okay to ask questions of professional people. It is okay to ask questions of your family and friends. It is okay to ask questions of strangers. Questions are good. The answers to your questions are helpful. You have to give these people the right not to answer. But, most people will.
Have you ever been afraid to answer questions someone asks you? Did you feel put on the spot? Pressured to give a certain answer.
Or have you been afraid to tell someone something. You may not know why. You may be fearful of their response.
Sometimes you may go to what I call, MINDREADING 101.
In your mind, you say, “They are doing this BECAUSE…” and you fill in the most negative reason. The one you fear the most. The one perhaps that you felt as a child. It hurt then and it hurts even more now.
Or they will do thus and so on, so you don’t tell them.
But what?
The people today are not the people from your past. They are different people. Things may be better If you and I give them a chance. Let them speak for themselves.
ASK QUESTIONS instead of doing MINDREADING 101.
Ask them.
“What was your intention?”
“Why did you do this?”
“Why did you say this?”
In all actuality, It makes good sense to be curious. To take a risk and ask questions. Asking questions gives others an option to respond with their reasons for doing things. It leads both you and the person you are speaking with a chance clear up misconceptions and to be at peace. Peace is a priceless state of being.
Sometimes when you are afraid to learn what others true feelings and true reasons are, you may hide behind the mask of your prior experience. You might be afraid that if you ask questions, the answers may make the situation worse.
What I have discovered is that when I ask clarifying questions, I may discover information that may release a few of my strongest negative emotions, dislodge a few of my fears, give me facts, and give me a chance to explain my own personal feelings and reasons for feeling that way. It may lead me to peace. Doing these same things may also lead you to peace. I hope and pray that this happens for each of us.
Questions and Possibilities
You may misinterpret so many things because of your humanity. It takes a while to figure it out and let others say or do what they want. When we realize that we are good, not evil, then we win.
So give other people a chance to answer questions, to explain their point of view. Ask yourself questions, too. Have compassion for yourself and others.
Love yourself. Believe in yourself. Ask questions. Find answers. Be at peace.
God is there to help you.