“Go, Anyway” by Joan Y. Edwards
When I was a teenager in the 50s, mostly I hung out with friends. We danced, played games, listened to music. Occasionally, I had a date. My mother, Ethel D. Meyer, gave me great advice: “If someone asks you out on a date and they don’t show up, ‘Go, Anyway.'”
It’s lucky for me, I never got stood up. However, I did have a problem of deciding what to do if I asked a friend to do something with me and they said, “No.”
People spending time with me is very important to me. Sometimes I might think someone doesn’t want to spend time with me which may not be true. They may have a prior commitment. They may be having health problems they do not feel comfortable sharing. They may not like doing what you have asked them to do. They may wish they could go with you.
I didn’t understand why they said, “No.” I may have gotten ticked off a few times. The story I told myself was it meant they didn’t like me or I wasn’t worth spending time with. But that probably wasn’t the story at all. But, I didn’t have the courage to ask why. I was scared of the answer.
Fast forward 39 years later, when I was taking care of my Mom in 1995. I got really ticked off because someone told me, “NO.” They didn’t want to spend Saturday afternoon with me.
This time Mother shared another interesting piece of wisdom: “If you ask someone a yes or no question, you must be ready and able to take a yes or no answer. If you are going to be upset with someone if they say, “No,” you are wanting control rather than giving people a real choice.
That was very enlightening to me. I didn’t want control. If I am in control of someone, I am responsible for them. Being responsible for myself was difficult enough. I didn’t need more pressure. What was I seeking then? Acceptance. Agreement.
Asking a yes or no question of your spouse, family member, or close friend can be devastating if you think, “No.” means something more than a simple “No.” If a No means something terrible in your mind,
It has helped me in many different situations so that I could truly ask an unloaded question and take the answer. What I decided was that whatever I had asked someone to do with me, I would venture forth and go anyway. But, I had to have that idea firmly committed in my mind before asking. I had to have a plan B which would work that would honor both me and the person I asked to join me.
Negative story: If I was worth more, they would go with me.
Empowering story: Give worth to yourself, go anyway.
Negative story: If they liked me, they would go with me.
Empowering story: Show that you like yourself, go anyway.
Asking someone to join you is a gift. You have to be able to take a yes or no without assigning blame on them or deciding you are not worthy because they said, “No.”
Here are questions, answers, and reactions;
Questions with a Yes or No Answer |
Answer |
Your Reaction |
|---|---|---|
Do you want to go to the movies with me? |
No |
Go, Anyway. |
Do you want to go for a picnic at the park |
No |
Go, Anyway |
Would you like to play soccer on the new team? |
No |
Go, Anyway |
Would you go fishing next Saturday morning? |
No |
Go, anyway. |
Would you go to the beach for the weekend with me? |
No |
Go, anyway. |
Don’t make your worth depend upon someone else’s opinion. God created you. You are worthy.
When you choose to go anyway, you are giving yourself these gifts: You are saying to yourself:
“I accept myself as I am.”
“I am worth spending time with.”
“I am enough.”
“I have good ideas.”
“I make good decisions.”
“This is fun for me.”
I share this with you not saying I handle every no with pizzazz. But having a positive plan and saying positive things to myself and thinking positive things about others, helps me stay in better balance. and to have inner peace. Thank you for being here with me today. Keep asking yes or no questions. If someone says, “NO, go anyway.
Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author Copyright 2009-2026
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Thank you, Joan, for a most enlightening post. I said much the same thing in my short story, “Coffee Storm.”
https://bobrich18.wordpress.com/2018/03/16/coffee-storm/
Dear Bob,
Thank you for writing. I am glad you found it to be enlightening. I am glad you wrote a story with similar outlook called “Coffee Storm!” I will check it out.
The moments we figure out something to help us navigate the many feelings we have in life are very rewarding and come in handy.
Never Give Up!
Joan
Your mother’s advice is BRILLIANT. Yes, we have to be prepared for that “no” answer and that anything less than that is asking to control the outcome. And like you, I want the acceptance/approval that comes along with “yes”. Great blog post. thank you!
Dear Carol,
Thank you for writing! Thank you for saying my Mother’s advice was Brilliant! It certainly helped me many times. Thanks for sharing that you like to be accepted and approved.
It is wonderful that God accepts and approves of us. He helps us find the right words. He helps us love ourselves so that we can give love more freely to others.
Never Give Up
Joan
Thank you, Joan for more wonderful advice!!!
Dear Carla,
Thank you for writing. I am honored that you believe I give you good advice. You share good advice with me, too. I am lucky to know you.
Never Give Up
Believe in you
Joan
Your mom was a very smart lady and you take after her! I have remembered both of these bits of wisdom for years to help me through some situations. I always think back on them. I learned it from what you told me your mom said. Thanks again, Joan.
Dear Linda,
Thank you for writing! You are welcome for my sharing my Mom’s advice with you through the years. I appreciate that you think she was a very smart lady. Thank you for saying I take after her. I am glad that the advice has helped you in the past and if you should need it, that the advice will help you do what empowers you to believe in you, Linda.
Never Give Up
Believe in you
Joan
Your mother was a wise person! How fortunate you were to have her for your mother. Your writings reflect her. I’ll think about the “go anyway” advice the next time someone backs out of going somewhere with me.
Dear Gretchen,
Thank you for writing! Thank you for saying my Mother was a wise person. I am glad that next time someone backs out of going somewhere with you, you will consider going anyway! Hurray for you! That doesn’t take away all the disappointment that they are not going, but I think it will give you good feelings, too.
Never Give Up
Believe in you!
Joan
Excellent advice.
Dear Melanie,
Thank you for writing! I am glad you think “Go, Anyway” is good advice. I hope your book that is in progress keeps moving towards the finish line with ease. I am so proud of all you have accomplished!!!
Never Give Up
Joan
Hmm. I remember a time when I wanted to go to Cancun. Everyone I asked about going with me had different reasons for saying no. ( lack of money, work commitments, or just not interested) I then said to myself ….listen up girl you have a choice
1. You can not go , stay at home and do whatever OR
2. You can go by yourself.
I chose to go by myself against all others advice about how dangerous that would be. I went ,I had a great experience, and was so glad I did it.
Right on momma Ethel. GO ANYWAY!
Dear Sharon,
Thank you for writing and sharing your experience and thought process when no one else wanted to go to Cancun with you.
It is interesting to me that God sends messages to us in different ways. Sometimes he has it come from our Mothers, sometimes from strangers, and sometimes from the Holy Spirit within us! So glad you went to Cancun on your own.
Never Give Up
Believe in you!
Joan
Great advice on managing our inner thoughts and self image –
I sometimes slip backwards – into a nesting place for negative thinking – but even solo activity like a walk around the block, or a movie – can get me to a cheerful place.
Dear Bill,
Thank you for writing! I am
glad you think this was good advice on managing our inner thoughts and self-image. Thank you for sharing that walking around the block or watching a movie has the great ability to make you cheerful when you find yourself in a negative place. Being aware of what helps and doing it empowers us and makes us stronger!
Never Give Up
May you always find a path to cheerful
Joan
Words of Wisdon once again, Joan.
I remember a time with I trained for months, along with four other neighbor women to run a 5K in our Ohio community. When it was time to sign up for the 5K, ALL the other women said NO and backed out. I did it anyway. And, although I came in last, I was so proud to have done it anyway!
I loved your mother’s words of wisdom: If you ask a “yes” or “no” question, you have to be prepared for the “no!”
Dear Sandra,
Thank you for writing and sharing how you and other ladies signed up for a 5 K. All the others backed out, but you, Sandra went anyway and it felt good!!! So proud of you.
Thanks for telling me that you loved my Mither’s advice when you ask a yes or No question be prepared for the No.
It seems you discovered a way on your own to do it, too. hurray for You!
Believe in you
Never Give Up
Joan
Lovely advice, Joan. Your blog is uplifting and empowering. Thank you for writing. Beautiful words of great wisdom for ourselves and those we want to spend time with. Beautiful.
Dear Lisa Anne,
Thank you very much for writing. I am honored by your saying my blog is empowering and uplifting! My hope is that my words help you and others to Never Give Up. I pray that each of you finds a way to keep on going and to believe in you.
Never Give Up
Believe in You
Joan