Category Archives: Spiritual

What Kinds of Love Make Your World Go Round?

Vector image of boy with hands on globe
Thanks to 13smok and Pixabay for letting me use this image.

“What Kinds of Love Make Your World Go Round” by Joan Y. Edwards

Love is a strong emotion. Robert Enright, Ph.D. believes that most love centers around 3 categories: mutuality, pleasantness, and low conflict. Love involves a combination of the following ingredients: kindness, consideration, empathy, care, devotion, admiration, trust, commitment, and affection. It also comes from closeness, protectiveness, attraction. For couples, it may contain, passion, intimacy-sex, along with commitment and trust, closeness, and affection. Love makes you feel secure in your relationships. Many believe that love cannot exist unless compassion is present – compassion is a combination of kindness, consideration, empathy and care.

There are many kinds of love.  All love comes from God. Each of us has a love tank. It is filled with love from known and unknown sources. There are 8 kinds of love that make your world and mine go round.  It takes a lot of love from many sources to keep us healthy in body, mind, and spirit.

hand reaching down and pulling up other hand
Love for all humanity and nature.  Charitable, good Samaritans – Agape.Thank you, Austin Kehmeier and for allowing me to use this image.
  1.   Agape Love – selfless universal love – Love of the world, nature, and all the people in it. I think of this as the love for strangers like the Good Samaritan or people who give to various charities to help other people. It also includes firemen, policemen, doctors, nurses, and other health assistants. This includes God’s love for us and our love of God. The Bible tells you to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Psychology today says that Agape love means loving someone and caring for them physically, even when it is inconvenient or even painful for you to do so. Loving God helps us to learn how to love others and how to receive love from others. Your body, mind, and spirit absorbs God’s love for you even when you don’t feel love coming from someone else. The apostle John writes, “God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him” (1John 4:16).
  2. Healthy Love of Self – Thank you, Yonas Bekele and Unsplash for letting me use this image.

    Philautia Love –  Love of Self. Good Self-Esteem. Feel good ab out your body, mind, and spirit. If you don’t love yourself, you may find it difficult to love another person. Jesus said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”  Even if you love and take care of others all the time, it is equally important and healing to love and take care of yourself, first. If you haven’t taken care of your needs, it may be difficult to share things with others. Self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional and mental well-being first. Self-love motivates you to make healthy choices in life. It is not healthy to focus all your love on yourself nor is it healthy to focus all your love on other people.

    man with black hair kissing his one year old son on the chee
    Unconditional Love of Parents for Children – Storge Love. Thank you, Kelly Sikkema and for letting me use this photo.
  3. Storge Love – Unconditional Love of parents for their children; the affectionate bond that develops naturally between parents and children. You may disagree with their actions or their beliefs, but you love them anyway. You give them boundaries and help them grow in taking care of themselves so that they will survive without you. You give them unconditional love without expecting anything in return. Barbara Field says that a family’s love psychologically grounds you and provides a framework for future relationships. It enables you to form secure attachments. Securely attached children feel safe and cared for.

    Family and friends sitting arm in arm watching sky lifts
    Love of for parents, siblings, and close friends. Philial Love. Thank you, Duy Pham and Unsplash for letting me use this image.
  4. Philial Love – show love, respect, and support for parents, siblings, and close friends, male and female. These relationships are built on loyalty and trust, accepting love of good friendship. It’s great when the love is unconditional but sometimes friends may come and go depending upon whether you meet their needs or they meet yours. Being friends means you accept them even if they disagree with you. Being friends doesn’t mean you have to have the same beliefs and habits, but usually you have a core of the same values and interests.

    Woman with arms around man's neck and his arms around her waist at sunrise.
    Passionate – physical love – Intense, sexual, filled with lust. Thank you, Oziel-Gomez and for letting me use this image.
  5. Eros Love – passionate, physical love – intense, sexual, and lust. This is the most like what people may think of as romantic love. When it lasts it becomes companion love with passionate devotion with intimacy, trust, commitment, and affection emphasis more than sex. Eros is not long-lasting unless it has other kinds of love to balance it.

    man twirling around with woman on his back - her hair is flowing.
    Ludus Love – Playful, flirtatious love. Thank you Freestocks and for allowing me to use this image.
  6. Ludus Love – ludus means game. Playful flirtatious love is all about having fun, so think of whatever that means for you — flirting, dancing, teasing, seducing, all the jazz. Neel Burton, Psychology Today says that Ludus relationships are casual, undemanding, and uncomplicated, but, for all that, can be very long-lasting. Ludus relationships need no commitment. Ludus works best when both parties are mature and self-sufficient.

    Older man and woman sitting on a bench in the park laughing.
    Committed Long-Term Love – Pragma LoveThank you, Logan Weaver and Unsplash for allowing me to use this image.
  7. Pragma Love – committed, long-lasting Love. What couples who have been married for many years usually have. They have figured out how to make compromises and to continue loving and forgiving and creating new visions for themselves together when changes cause them to have to make decisions that affect both of them. It lasts through drastic changes in health, finances, distance, and other things that could imbalance a relationship, but together they figure it out and keep things in loving balance.

    man with curly hair crying in bed beside his wife
    Mania Love – Obsessive Love – Unhealthy relationship Thank you, Claudia Wolff and Unsplash for allowing me to use this image.
  8. Toxic Obsessive Love – unhealthy, sometimes codependent relationships.  You focus on your partner’s happiness. You give too much control to the one you say you love at your own expense. You are unable to set limits and take time for yourself.  Lots of drama. Your partner may think of you as a possession or an object instead of as an individual person with your own needs. According to relationship therapist Jor-El Caraballo, in a toxic relationship, you might consistently feel drained or unhappy after spending time with your partner, which can suggest that some things need to change.  Sometimes, therapy can help a couple figure out how to change to work things out; other times, it may be best to dissolve the relationship and let each other go separate ways.


  1. “3 A’s for a Happier Relationship:” 
  2. “Are You Taking Cafe of the 3 Crucial Ingredients in Your Relationship?”
  3. Better “What Is Compassionate Love?”
  4. “The 8 Different Types of Love + the Perfect Combo for You:”
  5. A. Palowski. “How Long Does Passion Last: Four Stages of Love:”
  6. Barbara Field.  “The Importance of Family Love.: How to Create It and Sustain It:”
  7. Elizabeth Rider. “7 Types of Love and What They Mean:”
  8. “Is Your Relationship Toxic? What to Look For:” 
  9. J. A. Lee. “Six Types of Love: ”
  10. Jeffrey Borenstein, M.D. Brain and Behavior Research Foundation.”Self Love and What It Means: “ 
  11. Jessica Estrada.  “What Is True Love? Experts Explain What It looks and feels like:”
  12. Joan Y. Edwards. “What Signals Someone Loves You; What Means You Love Someone:”
  13. Joan Y, Edwards. “God Filks You, YourFamily, and Friends with His Love:”
  14. Learn Religions. “Types of Love in the Bible:”
  15. Live, Life, Made to Order. “Law of Attraction: I Know My Blocks But How Do I Get Rid of Them?
  16. Living “May the Love of God Surround You:”
  17. “Love Styles in Couple Relationships: A Literature Review:”
  18. Mind, Body, Green. “The 8 Types Of Love + How To Know Which One You’re Feeling:”
  19. Mind, Body, Green. “What Does Love Feel Like:”
  20. Neel Burton, M.D. “These Are the 7 Types of Love:”
  21. News Yahoo. “How to Tell someone You Have Feelings for Them:”
  22. Paula Fellingham. Uplift Families. “Family Commitment & Unconditional Love”
  23. Readunwritten. “Every New Relationship Needs a 3-Day Rule:”
  24. Relationship Institute. “Differences Between Men and Women:”
  25. Robert Enright, Ph.D.” The 5 Love Categories: Do You Really Know What Love Is?”
  26. “Signs of a Toxic Relationship:””Time Blocking:”
  27. “What Is Agape Love and How to Express It:”
  28. Wikihow. “Do Guys Care about Their FWB Friends with Benefits:”  friends with benefits

Thank you for reading my blog.  Please share about someone who touched your heart, strengthened your mind, and/or  encouraged your spirit by the way they showed their love for you. This can be a stranger, a family member, a friend, or other person.

Thank you. You honor me by being one of over 1,927,725 visitors to read my blog. Need info about a certain subject close to your heart? Let me know. Please subscribe to receive an email when I post a new article to inspire, encourage, inform, and add humor to your day.


Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author
Copyright © 2009-2023 Joan Y. Edwards

 Flip Flap Floodle Firebird Book Award Winner Will this little duck’s song save him from Mr. Fox?
Joan’s Elder Care Guide Practical ways to help you and your elder survive.

How to Be a Good Listener and Stay Healthy

Thank you to Trung-Thanh and Unsplash for allowing me to use this image.
Thank you to Trung-Thanh and Unsplash for allowing me to use this image.

“How to Be a Good Listener and Stay Healthy” by Joan Y. Edwards

You pride yourself in being a good listener. You care deeply about your friends and family who share with you their hopes and dreams, their ups and downs in life. Have you ever gotten down with sadness or become angry after listening to a friend or family member confide in you? Sometimes I get overwhelmed. It seems like that’s happened more since my husband, Carl died. But it seems heavier than that. I thought is it only me that’s experiencing this overload. Maybe not. Entering the scene before Carl died and after Carl died…COVID.

March 10, 2023 marked three years that Covid went around. You may be like the rest of the world and be on emotional overload. You may have retained and held onto an enormous bit of anxiety, and fear because you and many of your close friends and family as well as strangers in your community and strangers all over the world became sick and even some people you know may have died from COVID.

Perhaps you are carrying around all this extra sadness and sorrow. When you listen to the news or to a friend or spouse, be kind to yourself. Perhaps you need an alarm to go off when your body and mind is on overload. Or maybe you need a cushion or an extra layer of protection for your inner self:  Lean more on God than on your own resources. Ask him to make you stronger, more resilient, happier, looking at the bright side of possibilities. Yes, there are always two ways to look at something – a negative way and a positive way. Try to choose the positive way. Some days that is a real challenge in itself, but it can be done.

  1. To Be a Good Listener, take care of yourself.

Take care of yourself. It’s okay to be sad sometimes about another person’s difficulties. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed, take a break. “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” It’s interesting that according to Jamie Elmer – happy moods, sad moods, and behaviors can be transferred from one person to another; even from listening to the news that focuses on the negative can alter the moods of those watching it. Be aware of too many negatives filling your spirit. Install an alarm to let you know when you’re holding too much in. When you have an overload…when you step on the scales – a sign jumps out and says “overload of sadness” “overload of fear” overload of anxiety.” Once you’ve named it, you can do something about it.

  • Protect yourself from listener overload.
    1. Get adequate rest. Take short walks and long walks. Eat protein snacks. Don’t eat too many high carb foods. High carb foods give you lots of energy right away and then Ka-plooey. Your energy level drops. Eating protein snacks will level out your energy and help your energy last longer.
    2. Do three(3) fun things to recharge yourself to lighten your load. Fun things are things that refill your spirit…make you smile…give you energy…fill you with positive vibes.  Fun gives your body and mind endorphins(good feelings) that remove the strain of too much sadness fear, anxiety or too much of any unwanted thing. Fun things don’t have to cost a lot of money or take a lot of time. Look for them. Embrace them.

Now that you’ve taken good care of yourself, you can be a good listener and stay healthy. Here are things to note before you listen:

    1. Don’t try to fix their problems. It’s not your job to solve problems for others. Realizing that helps to put you in a healthier way to listen. God and the person who shares a situation with you will be able to fix their problems. They need someone to listen to them. Many times, by telling about their situation with another person, troubled people figure out what they need to do or want to do without anyone saying anything. Listen and offer your support. You can say things like, “I’m here for you,” or “I can help you find resources if you need them.”
    2. Don’t Do Everything for them. Here is the tricky part. If they ask you to do something…make certain it is something they cannot do for themselves. Don’t agree to do the whole thing. Make sure they must do part of it themselves. Empower them. Encourage them to do what they can on their own. It will help them not to feel so helpless or powerless in the face of their difficulties. If they need the help of a professional, share resources you believe might help them.
    3. If someone asks you for suggestions, offer ideas for solutions – ideas that worked for you or someone you know. If they don’t use your idea, don’t take it personally. That doesn’t mean they aren’t good ideas or that they don’t like you. One idea leads people to think of more ideas. It links to different memories or ideas in their minds and leads them to possible solutions. There are no bad ideas in brainstorming sessions. All ideas lead to possible solutions. The solution a person chooses may work great for them and not for you. It is wise to remember that each person has a choice and to honor that…even if you do not agree with it.
    4. Create a safe space. Give the person in front of you or on the other end of the phone your undivided attention. If they are in panic or emergency mode, take the phone call now. If it’s an emergency, see if you need to call 911. If it’s not an emergency and it’s not a good time to talk, ask them if you could call them back in 10 minutes. Respect the speaker’s privacy. Don’t share what the speaker has told you with anyone else without their permission.
    5. Give speaker your undivided attention. If someone shares with you in person, turn off distracting TV, loud music, or cell phones. Look them in the eye. Get away from others who might overhear the conversation.
    6. You are not the judge. Do not Judge. Let the person know that they can talk to you without judgment. Avoid passing judgment on what they did or what others did. Remember God is the Judge and he is compassionate. This is not the time to say, “I told you so” or “You shouldn’t have done that.”
    7. Pay attention to the speaker’s body language. Non-verbal cues can tell you a lot about how someone is feeling. The way someone talks gives you clues as to their feelings and stress levels. The way they breathe and the words they choose and how they say them also give you ideas on how high their stress levels are.

Now that you know what is expected of you, Choose the appropriate mode for this situation for someone to share their difficulties and emotions with you:

Listening Mode means you are listening and let the other person say whatever it is they need to say without interrupting. In Listening Mode you listen to them tell all the details. Be patient. There may be pauses. It may take time for the speaker to find the words to express what happened or what they are feeling. When they are finished talking, that’s when they want a response from you. This is when you can summarize what they said and ask questions. This helps to ensure that you’re on the same page as the speaker and that you’ve understood them correctly.

Conversation Mode means they will say something and then you can say something. In conversation mode, the words flow back and forth between two people. After someone tells you something, ask questions and give them time to respond. After they finish sharing, you can summarize by giving “I heard you say” or “I understand that you are angry,” “That is so sad,” or “I know that must have frightened you” statements.

When you listen attentively and give moral support (emotional supoort) to others by encouraging them, it gives them a feeling of being loved and cared for and that they matter and are important.  Remember to ask God to lead you to say the right things to encourage someone in distress. He will help both of you!

Good luck with your listening. I hope my ideas help spark something to help you think of a way that really works for you. Please share with me the things you do to help you be a good listener and stay healthy. Here are resources that might help you.


  1. Call Centra “Does Body Language Really Matter When Talking on the Phone?”
  2. Communication Coach. YouTube. “5 Tips to be a Great Conversationalist:”
  3. Bryan Robinson. Forbes. “The 3 to1 Positivity Ratio and 10 Ways It Advances Your Career.”
  4. Declutter the Mind. “21 Ways to Show Moral Support to People in Need:”
  5. Jamie Elmer. “Is Depression Contagious:”
  6. Modern Minds. “You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup:”
  7. Nulacha Sutthinonthagul. Elite Plus Magazine. “10 Rules of a Great Conversationalist:”
  8. Jack Zenger. “What Great Listeners Actually Do:”

Thank you for honoring me by being one of the 1,923,725 visitors to my blog. Please subscribe to receive an email when I post a new article to inspire, encourage, inform, and add humor to your day.


 Never Give Up
Joan Y. Edwards, Author
Copyright © 2009-2023 Joan Y. Edwards

 Flip Flap Floodle Firebird Book Award Winner Will this little duck’s song save him from Mr. Fox?

Joan’s Elder Care Guide Practical ways to help you and your elder survive.