It Is What It Is!

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Copyright 2016 Joan Y. Edwards

“It Is What It Is?” by Joan Y. Edwards

Have you ever had a severe case of CONTROL-i-tis? Do you want other people to be more like you? Do you want others to do things according to your rules? Do you insist that others follow your beliefs?

Oh my goodness! I have trouble letting go of wanting control. Do you have trouble letting go, too? Does your mind keep running videos of less than happy experiences? Each time you remember it, does it get more difficult to let it go?

There is a great phrase that says, “It is what it is.” Quotes in Your mentioned that in 1949 J. E. Lawrence used it in his column for the Nebraska State Journal:

“New land is harsh, and vigorous, and sturdy. It scorns evidence of weakness. There is nothing of sham or hypocrisy in it. It is what it is, without an apology.”

They also said that the term is used in sports to explain a particular play in a game: “It is what it is.” At this very moment, you are what you are. No apologies necessary.

It’s time to recognize and accept that you are who you are. Accept that you along with your thoughts, words, and actions are a great human being. Yes, you have faults. Yes, you have flaws. But ultimately, you’ve been doing the best you can do. You’re doing the best anyone could do in your circumstances with your experiences, thoughts, and beliefs.

Celebrate the person you are now. Accept the person you are right now at this very moment. The more you accept yourself as you are right now, the better you’ll be able to accept others as they are.
There’s magic in accepting yourself, others, and situations as they are right now with no apologies. The magic is that it leaves you open to changing what you want changed in yourself. Acceptance fills you with energy and love.

You’ll be better able to let go of your unhealthy expectations that have not been reached. You’ll be able to see ways to improve. You’ll be able to navigate direct to your goals because you are not stuck in the resistance to accepting yourself as you are and the fear that you are not going to get to your goals.

One thing that keeps you RESTLESS and STRESSED is your resistance to things that happen or that you fear might happen to you or someone you love.

Accept that you are who you are right now. This is the first step to take if you want to change yourself. You have the right to be who you are at this particular moment in time.

Accept that others are who they are right now. That doesn’t mean that they are right. That doesn’t mean that they are wrong.  That doesn’t mean that they please you. That doesn’t mean that they displease you. It just means that they are who they are. They have a right to choose who they are. You have no control over other people. Other people have no control over you, either.

The older I get the more I realize how much I, as a human being, want to control things. Oh my! It is silly because it zaps my energy. It is a reminder that I have no control over many things.  You and I do not have control over other human beings. At times this is frustrating.

Accept that an experience is what it is. You can’t change what happened in the past. Try to let it go. It will energize you. It will help keep you from spinning your wheels in place.

It is very comforting to have people agree with me.  I have come to realize that sometimes I get uneasy when no one agrees with me.  The greatest feat of wisdom is when you realize that you have the right to your beliefs, even if no one agrees with you. People’s opinions are not necessarily facts. They are what seems to be true according to their experiences and beliefs.

Letting go means to relinquish your grip grip on someone or something.

Letting go means being okay with leaving things as they are right now:

Here are my unreasonable goals:
I always want me, my family and friends to be healthy.
I don’t want bad things to happen to me, my family, friends, or acquaintances.
You can see how unreasonable these wishes are. You’re probably saying, “Come on. Joan. Be reasonable. Get a life.”
Gabby Bernstein says in her article, “3 Spiritual Steps for Handling Your Feelings:” to pray, talk,  and forgive. I think there’s a step missing. Acceptance.

Think about how you’ve been handling negative emotions or unrealistic expectations. Continue to use what works for you. Let go of what doesn’t work. Accept things as they are. Enjoy the present.
Are you stuffing your negative feelings? Bring them up to the surface one at a time.

When you accept situations as they are, it releases a wonderful energy. If you can’t forgive yourself or others right now, it’s okay. Look inside yourself. If you can at least accept the situation at it is, your willingness to forgive may come later. Hatred and unforgiveness is baggage that hurts your body and mind.

Acceptance is a form of love. Letting go releases the negative emotions and helps your body to relax. Relaxation gives room for more good things. It is healing.

Thank you for reading my blog. I appreciate each of you. May you be able to accept things as they are and say, “It is what it is.”



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14 thoughts on “It Is What It Is!”

  1. Hi Joan,
    A pastor once told a group I was part of, “Accept people where they are.” (regarding their faith) I’ve never forgotten it. It does help to replay that message when someone isn’t on the “same page as I am.” I think this quote applies to how we treat ourselves too.
    Thanks for these reminders. Relax and love yourself.

    1. Dear Linda,
      Thanks for writing. It’s a good idea to accept people where they are in their faith journey. Absolutely! It’s difficult sometimes, I believe, because we do not truly understand where they are. Thanks for telling me to relax and love myself. I forget that at times.
      Never Give Up
      Joan Y. Edwards

  2. Thanks for the historical context. interesting. As I age I realize how much i want to fix people–which is part being a mother and part a little condescending, isn’t it? IT assumes everyone else in the world needs me to fix them!! Maybe that’s why I’m an aspiring novelist. ANyway, thanks for the post. thought provoking.

    1. Dear Carol Baldwin,
      Thanks for writing. I’m glad that you enjoyed the historical context of the phrase, “It is what it is.”
      You’re right. It’s interesting to see how we believe we can change or fix things for others that they might not even be interested in having changed or fixed. Oh the webs we weave! The world needs you and your opinions. The world needs you and your stories.
      Never Give Up
      Joan Y. Edwards

  3. Great advice. This also applies to writing. I will never receive a Nobel Prize for literature. My writing is where it’s at and although it would be wonderful to have agents falling over each other to want to publish my novels I am more at the rejection stage of the game. Knowing that this is part of the process helps to accept where I am and helps me get a bit closer to where i want to be. Also with acceptance comes gratitude.

    1. Dear Carol Balawyder,
      Thanks for writing. I am honored that you believe this is great advice. I like how you compared the phrase so you could use it with your writing career. Do not discount yourself. It is possible for you to receive a Nobel Prize for literature. All you need is one agent to fall in love with your novels. After the rejection phase, comes the acceptance phase. Be ready. It’s coming for you soon.
      Never Give Up
      Joan Y. Edwards

    1. Dear Karen,
      Thanks for writing. You are right. Acceptance is definitely a tough nut to crack and definitely worth the effort. It’s amazing how much struggling we do in life – just like our characters.
      Celebrate you and your positive attitude!
      Never Give Up
      Joan Y. Edwards

  4. Great post, Joan. Yes, acceptance is often a difficult moment to grasp. Control is hard to let go of. I often have to recite the Serenity Prayer – slowly and decisively. But, I am what I am and it is what it is!

    1. Dear Ann,
      Thanks for writing. I’m glad that the Serenity Prayer helps you to come to acceptance and peace. You are a beautiful lady and an outstanding writer. Enjoy being you.
      Never Give Up
      Joan Y. Edwards

  5. Hi Joan I celebrate you and this blog! Elisabeth Kubler Ross had 5 stages of grief denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance(they do not have to be in that order either). I find that I go through those emotions with circumstances in my life. You are so right when you mention acceptance is key! And I agree with Ann that the Serenity prayer helps with that! Thank you for your post!

    1. Dear Kathleen,
      Thank you for writing. I am honored that you celebrate me and this blog! Shuckins, you say the nicest things. Thank you. It’s interesting that Elisabeth Kubler Ross mentions 5 stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I agree with you and Ann that the Serenity Prayer does seem to help with acceptance. You are welcome for my post.
      Celebrate you and your love of life
      Never Give Up
      Joan Y. Edwards

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